Sins of the Fathers
by lowri
Summary: In the episode Remembrance, William Ellison denied that his son had enhanced senses. Why did he do this? Sins of the Fathers delves into William's childhood and we discover his reasons.


Disclaimer: The Sentinel belongs to Pet Fly, Bilson and DeMeo

Disclaimer: The Sentinel belongs to Pet Fly, Bilson and DeMeo. I've only borrowed the characters William, Steven, and Jim Ellison, Blair Sandburg, Rucker, Sally and Grace. At least I think her name is Grace. I've listened to Remembrance over and over and when William says her name, my tape doesn't enunciate it clearly. Grace's family is totally from my imagination as is the senior Ellison. 

When I write stories, I usually try to answer a question. This story sprung from the reason why William would want to deny and then try to suppress Jim's senses. I believe he must have had a previous experience with them. It wasn't much of a leap to imagine that it came from a brother. Why else would he set up the competition between Steven and Jim.

Now I would like to thank my beta readers. Angela Mull went through my first draft and corrected the many grammar mistakes and pointed out areas that needed work. First drafts are so tedious, but she put forth a lot of time an effort. Next I would also like to thank Cindy Combs, my Sentinel canon expert. She worked very hard in making this story both realistic and readable. She had to read it twice, because of the many things I rewrote. She writes about Blair's dad and I write about Jim's, two sides of the same coin and all that. I would also like to thank Lisa Hughes and Merry Lynne. Both gave the story quick reads at the end and pointed out a few areas that needed touch-ups.

Elves please archive to Guideposts. If the format is a problem feel free to write and I'll send you the story in another form.

Now on to the story. Enjoy. Comments to lwright3@rochester.rr.com

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Sins of the Fathers 

By Lori Wright

****

Prologue

(During the episode Remembrance)

Jimmy had come to see him. Granted it was because of a case, but still, Jimmy had come home. William Ellison walked blindly into the den. He sat down at his desk running his hands over the smooth wood of its surface. A feeling of comfort came over him from just being in *his* room. How many times in his life had he come in here to escape the emotional upheaval in the house? The den had become his sanctuary. Here he could forget about the people outside the door and concentrate on his work. Business decisions required only brain-power. But out *there* , constant demands were made on his heart. He lived by one rule: avoid confrontations, because they usually resulted in pain.

And he had just broken that important rule. He just told Jimmy, he had actually *confessed*, that he had known all along about his enhanced senses. The look on his son's face nearly destroyed him. Disbelief came first. Then came the shock of betrayal. How that had cut. Both of them stood there, bleeding all over the floor, but neither could stop the flow. No healing word was spoken. Each retreated inside their respective shells, not wanting to deal with the pain of his confession.

All he had ever wanted to do was to protect his son. Why couldn't Jimmy understand that? Tears filled his eyes but wouldn't fall. So many years wasted. In fact, all of the years had been wasted. He took off his glasses and set them down. He pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes squeezing out the moisture held in his lashes. When he thought back to their childhood, all he could remember was the encouragement he gave them to excel. With hindsight, he admitted to himself that maybe the encouragement he gave was a little harsh. But boys tended to be lazy and he wanted them to be the best at whatever they did. His own father had never cared and he wanted his boys to know that he *did* care.

"We had some good times, didn't we?" he had asked Jimmy.

"Did we?" There was a pause full of remonstration. "Steven and I don't remember it that way."

What had he done? Didn't they know how much they meant to him? Hadn't he shown them that he cared? When had it all fallen apart?

When his wife had deserted him, all he could think about was to hide his feelings. No one could find out how much Grace's leaving had unmanned him. Especially the boys. They must never know. So in his effort to hide the pain, he hid his self. He hid at work, at home, even in actual conversations. The result was that he alienated his sons, and lost the capability to feel. Feeling anything was painful. He had to avoid the pain.

But he loved his sons fiercely. He wanted them to grow up strong. It had been up to him to make men out of these two little boys. They had started out different from all the other kids in the neighborhood. Their mother had walked out on them. To be different was an anathema to William. It was important to conform to society's rules, and if you broke those rules, ridicule came first and then one became ostracized. He had been on the receiving end of that too many times as a boy not to want something better for his kids. His mind veered sharply as Daniel's face came to mind. No!

He rose from his desk and wandered about the house. Having money and a nice home was a good place to start. After ascending the stairs, he found himself in the doorway to Jimmy's room. He saw the football helmet sitting on the top of a box. The memory of the picture of the football team with the boys all standing in front of their fathers mocked him. Jimmy had asked if he had found something wrong with it. The space behind his son was glaringly empty. He couldn't remember why he hadn't been at the championship game. It must have been important at the time, or at least seemed important. Even now his son remembered the hurt; the empty place behind him. He had failed his son.

But he had failed his son in an even bigger way. He had refused to acknowledge Jimmy's enhanced senses, wanting them to just go away. They were a threat to his sanity and a father's job was to protect his son in any way possible. Any way that worked.

"I knew it," he said admitting his transgression.

"I was telling the truth," Jimmy responded, trying to make sense out of a distant memory.

"I knew you were."

"You don't know that."

"I know it. I was trying to protect you."

Over and over they repeated it, until Jimmy's face blanked, and he hid his feeling of betrayal behind a mask of indifference. William covered his eyes with his arm and spoke aloud to the empty house.

"Oh God, Daniel. I failed you and then I failed Jimmy. I was so sure that hiding the curse was the best plan. I didn't with you and it killed you. At least Jimmy is a functioning adult, who has made his mark in the world. Your last thought, your last memory was seeing dad hit..." His internal voice cracked with pain. He had to think about his son. Daniel was dead, but Jimmy was alive and talking to him again, he thought with wonder.

After all these years Jimmy still felt the sting of his betrayal. Should he have backed him up when the police officers were questioning him about the man with the knife? No! But he should have explained his reasons better afterwards, when they were at home. Instead, he told Jimmy to wise up, to stop pretending, to stop fantasizing. In effect, to bury his curse, so people wouldn't think he was a freak. Instead of protecting his son, he ended up hurting him more than he could have ever imagined. Jimmy hid his enhanced senses from everyone, including himself, from that day forward. And William had been relieved.

He pulled out a scrapbook from one of the boxes. The pages were peppered with pictures of Jimmy and Stevie. He carried the box down to the den. Carefully he removed some of the pictures and placed them all over the top of his desk. He ran his finger over the face of his oldest son, the one who he had wronged so badly. Did they have a chance now to begin a real relationship? From the way Jimmy had talked, he must have regained his enhanced senses. He called it a gift. He was wrong, it was a curse. One that had taken Daniel, his own brother, away from him. So how did his son do it? What enabled him to be able to manage this "gift"? How was he able to save his sanity, when William had failed to save Daniel's?

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Chapter One-Death

(Summer 1946)

William and Daniel followed their father into their house. Much to eight-year-old William's surprise, sseveral women from church had beaten them there. The click of their high heels echoed throughout the house as they carried bowls filled with salads and stuff to a table in the living room. William could hear cars and people as they arrived at their door. He didn't understand why their neighbors couldn't leave them alone. The church service had been bad enough, with the pastor droning on and on about how mom was in a better place. How could being dead be better?

Daniel stopped and slid his small hand into William's.

"Can we go to our room now?" four-year-old Daniel asked.

William looked down at his little brother. "I don't think so. We'll have to wait till daddy is busy and then we'll sneak up."

"Oh you poor motherless boys!" Mrs. Turner came swooping down on them. She pinched their cheeks and then enfolded them in a huge hug, suffocating both of them at the same time.

They struggled against her hold and finally she let them go. After gasping for breath, they quickly stepped back, out of her reach. William ran his hands down his chest, trying to straighten his wrinkled shirt. But it was a lost cause. Daniel looked at him with his distressed blue eyes and his brown hair sticking up after being manhandled by the kind-hearted lady. William thought absently that they would need haircuts soon, but with their mother dead, who was going to do it?

"Let me get you boys a glass of juice. You both look so flushed."

When she turned her back, they made a strategic escape.

"Can we go up now?" Daniel asked again.

"Not yet. Daddy is going to come looking for us." 

They moved into the corner next to the large hutch. Sitting on the floor, they effectively hid themselves, but were still able to see everything going on around them. As more and more people arrived, Daniel became more and more fidgety. The noise level increased and soon it became more than the youngest Ellison could handle.

"It hurts, William." The boy had his hands up to his ears and his eyes squinted in pain. "It smells, too. I'm getting dizzy."

William looked down and could see how close his brother was to a complete breakdown. Scouting around the room, he decided that going outside would be the best plan. The noise and scent level would probably still be too strong upstairs. They moved slowly along the wall towards the kitchen.

"My darling Billy. Such a strong man for your little brother."

William gave Mrs. Edgewood a smile and continued his escape.

He had just turned the corner when they came face to face with their father. William stopped dead in his tracks. His father had a glass in one hand and his arm stopped mid-way as they all stood there. Father and son stood there immobile as their icee blue eyes locked. There was a yearning quality to the boy's eyes that pleaded with his father for some kind of reassurance. William sighed as his dad broke the contact by turning his eyes back to the glass and draining it swiftly. He nodded to them and continued on his way, ducking as he went through the doorway. William grabbed his little brother's hand and ran for the back door, the need to escape paramount on his mind. They made it to freedom.

Daniel stopped at the fence and took aa deep breath. "I don't feel good."

"Me neither." He felt tears well in his eyes, which he quickly wiped away on his sleeve. 

"Did daddy tell us we could go?"

"I don't know."

"When is mommy coming back?"

"Never. She's dead."

"What about our new brother or sister?"

"She's dead, too."

"Is that why mommy was screaming last night?"

"You heard her crying?"

"It was louder than crying. She was screaming. I heard them say the baby killed her. How can the baby kill her if the baby is dead too?"

"I don't know."

Daniel started to cry. "I want mommy to come back."

William put his arm around his brother and the boys clung together. William didn't cry. He just stood there listening to his brother, uncomfortable, but knowing he had to help him somehow.

"Someone's coming," Daniel said in a muffled whisper. His head only came up to the middle of William's chest.

William leaned down, mingling his light brown hair with his brother's darker strands.

"What?"

Daniel repeated his comment. The older boy turned around and could just make out a person walking down the path towards them. He was still quite a distance away. Daniel's special gifts were nothing new to William. The fact that he could hear tthings way before anyone else could see things from far away, and could smell things beyond normal people's abilities was something they took for granted. His abilities had manifested themselves so slowly that William couldn't even remember a time when they hadn't been a part of Daniel. Even before he could talk, Daniel would never startle or scare easily. He could tell who was coming into his room before he saw their face. As he grew, the abilities were used in everyday things like predicting thunderstorms before anyone else could hear the thunder. One time Daniel saved a neighbor's house because he smelled smoke and the boys called the firemen before the fire had gotten out of control. However they were always careful not to broadcast these abilities to others. William never knew how much their mother guessed about Daniel's abilities, but she never confronted them with the knowledge. Now she never would.

Footsteps became audible to William and it broke into his private thoughts. The man walking towards them was Reverend Todd.

"Hello, William. Hello, Daniel."

Daniel lifted his head from William's chest. His eyes were still wet with tears, his nose runny. He wiped it on his brother's shirt and then stood up straight.

"Hi, sir," William said trying to sound grown up.

"Come sit with me, boys. I'd like to talk to you."

The three walked over to the garden and sat down on the bench overlooking their mother's rose bushes. Apple trees lined the area and their fruit hung heavily on the branches. William snagged one and handed it to his brother. Daniel took a bite, then shifted his concentration back to the adult.

"Now boys, your father is going to need a lot of understanding. You need to be very well behaved and not give him any trouble. Try and do things for yourself instead of asking him to do them for you. He feels lost now and doesn't know how to cope with the death of your mother."

William sat there looking at him, not saying a word. He could do it. His father never did anything in the house anyway. That was why he was going to be lost. He probably didn't even know how to cook. He tried to think back to remember if daddy had ever even been in the kitchen, but he didn't think so. All of his time was spent at work. Sometimes they wouldn't see him for days, since he often came home after they went to bed.

"We will, sir."

"I knew I could count on you."

The reverend slowly got off the bench and walked to the house. The boys stayed where they were.

Daniel took another bite of his apple. "William? Why is daddy lost?"

"I guess because..."

Then he noticed Daniel's eyes getting that faraway look he got whenever he was listening to something.

"William, Mrs. Heatherington is talking about trapping daddy. She says he's a good catch. What does she mean?"

"Where is she?" William didn't like the lady very much. She never talked to children if she could help it. After her husband died, she started gushing over every man in town. He remembered his mom laughing at her 'hussy ways'. He'd laugh too, if he knew what hussy meant. A knot formed in his stomach at the thought of her married to his dad.

"She's talking to Miss Wagner in our front yard. How do you trap and catch?" Daniel asked.

"She wants to marry daddy."

"But he won't marry *her*," he said with total conviction. Then he went back to his apple.

William hoped his little brother was right.

That night old Mrs. Turner put the boys to bed. She gave them both a bath, scrubbing them down till their skin was red from the abrasion. They hadn't seen their father since the encounter in the kitchen. He didn't come and kiss them goodnight, but he had only done that a few times before anyway. Their mother always gave them lots of hugs and kisses and sometimes even a story. But not tonight. Tonight they just got the word goodnight. Ten minutes after Mrs. Turner left the house, Daniel snuck out of his room and crawled into bed with William. There the two boys stayed, alternating between crying and sleeping.

The next morning, they got out of bed and got dressed themselves. Daddy was sitting at the table drinking his coffee. He poured them some juice.

"I've hired Mrs. McKenna to come over and keep house for me. She'll be here today around ten."

William felt his father's eyes on him, but didn't know what to say. Did he expect an answer?

"All right, daddy."

He gave them a strained smile and then left the table.

"William, I'm hungry."

"Me too. Let's go into the kitchen and see what we can find."

They dug out some fruit and some bread, and ate that. They went into the parlor and found their father sitting there, staring out the window. He didn't move when they entered, so they crept back out again.

"Let's go out and play," Daniel pleaded.

William nodded. They went out to the back yard and walked down the path towards the tree house. Uncle Jim had built it for them a year ago when he came to visit. He had stayed the whole summer. Mommy had said he was in the army and was on leave, and wanted to spend time with his family. It had been so much fun. Every day their uncle had played with them. He had brought games and taught them how to throw a football. He even took the time to show Daniel the best way to throw.

In the early mornings and evenings he would spend time working on the tree fort. When it was finished he even climbed the ladder with them to get inside. They would sit against the edges and Uncle Jim would tell them about the war. He said he was glad that it was over, but he told them stories about it that made them think he missed it. All his friends were scattered and he hadn't talked to most of them in a long time. William took special care not to let on about Daniel's special gifts, but one day Uncle Jim found out. Much to William's surprise, Uncle Jim told them that it was a family trait. He had heard stories about a great-grandfather who had the gift, but said that it hadn't been mentioned in the family for a long time. Daniel was very lucky. Then Uncle Jim lost his faraway look and leveled his gaze directly at them. It was up to William to take care of Daniel, he told them seriously. Special gifts always exacted a price and that price was steep. William didn't really understand, but promised faithfully to always take care of his brother. He would never let anything bad happen to him. Nothing more was said on the subject and to the best of William's knowledge, Uncle Jim never told their father; at least nothing had been mentioned in the past year about it.

The boys climbed the ladder to the tree fort and crawled inside. The darkened interior was a welcoming haven from the chaos inside the house. Daniel took out his GI Joe and started his make-believe. William sat with his back against the wall, thinking. He was so afraid of what the future held. Tears welled in his eyes and for the first time he let grief and fear take control. Daniel put down his toy and wrapped his arms around his big brother.

****

Chapter Two-Start of School 

(Fall 1947)

"Come on, boys, it's time to leave!" the housekeeper called from the bottom step.

Daniel slowly walked out of his room. William stood at his door waiting for his brother to come down the hall. He was dressed in the brand new clothes Mrs. McKenna had taken them shopping for. Daniel was not. He was wearing an old shirt and shorts that sported grass stains on the left leg. But William couldn't worry about that now.

"Come on, Daniel. I know you're scared, but you have to go to school."

"No!" He stood stiff and unyielding.

"It's not going to be as bad as you think. The teachers are mostly nice." William smiled encouragingly.

"I don't want to go."

"Boys, you *have* to leave now!" Mrs. McKenna repeated.

"Daniel, I'll walk you all the way to your classroom and I'll be right there when the bell rings at the end of the day."

"I want to stay home like last year." He crossed his arms and scowled.

"But you're old enough for Kindergarten. You'll be lonely here without me to keep you company. At least in school you can talk to friends." He reached his arm out, but Daniel quickly stepped back.

"I don't have friends," he retorted defiantly.

Reasoning with him did not seem to be working. "You will in school."

"Jayme says I'm a sissy."

Could they now be hitting on the real reason? "What does he know. Just because he saw you grab your head during the thunderstorm at church two weeks ago, doesn't mean you're a sissy. He thought you were afraid. He didn't know that it was the noise that hurt you."

"I heard him tell his mommy that I was a sissy and he didn't want to play with any sissy."

"I'll straighten him out."

This time when William held out his arm, Daniel walked into it, smiling reluctantly. They descended the stairs and Mrs. McKenna handed them their lunches as they passed her. "Take care of your brother, William. This is his first day of school, he's bound to be a little nervous."

William nodded and the two boys left the house. Nervous? That's all she thought it was? Usually William joined his friend, Doug, at the corner of their street and Curtis Road, but today his friend wasn't there waiting for him. With a mental shrug, the two boys continued on. They were slightly late; maybe Doug thought they were getting a ride in. Doug was his best friend. Every chance he got William would go over to Doug's house to play. As Daniel got older, he would come along as well. As much as William liked Doug, he was slightly jealous of his relationship with his father. They were so close, and acted like a father and son should. 

The nearer to school they got, the slower Daniel walked. They turned the corner and could see the school across the street. The building was constructed of red bricks and was three stories. It housed the grades K through eight. It was always hot this time of year, and William dreaded going in almost as much as his brother, but for different reasons.

They waited at the corner for the cross lady to stop the traffic and then they made their way up to the building. As promised, William escorted his brother to his class. Daniel's eyes began tearing up as he found himself a desk. William gave his brother one quick look and then went to find his own room in the fourth grade hall.

Throughout the day, William wondered how Daniel was doing. He was worried. Since their mother had died, Daniel had been depending more and more on him. He wouldn't go to the park unless William went, too. At church he would hold his hand every place they walked. His hearing was his biggest problem. Sometimes Daniel found himself listening to something and losing time. He became like a zombie and it almost seemed like he stopped breathing. The first time scared William so bad that he almost went to get a grown-up. But Daniel came out of it with a huge gasp and a fuzzy memory. He was afraid that something bad would happen to Daniel while he was like that. But luckily every time it happened and William saw it all he had to do was shake him and Daniel would snap out of it.

When the last bell rang, William dashed off to his brother's class. Daniel was still sitting at his desk, and didn't even look around. Was he lost in his ears again? William walked up to Daniel and put his hand on his shoulder. "Let's go home," he whispered.

Daniel looked up and got out of his seat. "Everyone hates me."

"They don't hate you."

"I heard Cathy tell Sandy that I was afraid of the dark. I heard Ronald tell Donnie that I'm a scaredy cat because mommy died and I don't have a mother. Ruth told her friends in the middle of lunch that I wet the bed. I yelled at Ruth and told her that I didn't, and I forgot that she was too far away, that I shouldn't have heard her. She got all mad at me and then no one talked to me the rest of the day."

"I thought we were going to keep it a secret?"

"I tried, but I forgot."

"Have you ever forgotten in church?"

"No, because you're there to stop me. You always put your hand on my arm whenever I'm about to say something I shouldn't. Can you come to my class?"

"I can't. I have to go to my own. Try and be friendly, and don't listen to what the other kids are saying behind your back."

They walked out of the school building and started home. Daniel ambled slowly, kicking the stones that were in his path. William didn't really know how to help him through this. Was it really his senses that was the trouble, or could it be he just didn't want to go to leave home and was using his senses as an excuse?

The next day Doug was waiting for them at the corner. While they walked to school, the two big boys talked about the neighborhood football team. William was a running back and couldn't wait for the games to start. Different businesses in the town sponsored teams and they had games every Saturday. Most days Doug's father would practice with them in their yard and Daniel would sit on the grass and watch. Doug had a younger sister and she would sit with Daniel and keep him company.

William picked his brother up at his class and he seemed to be in better spirits. He wasn't laughing, but he wasn't sulking, either. Doug's dad threw the ball with them for over an hour. William sometimes pretended that Doug's dad was really his dad. His friend was just so lucky.

The next day he had the first team practice at school and he wanted to look really good. During dinner he asked his father if he could come to the practice.

"Please, dad. I know they could always use more fathers to help us."

"Son, I can't. An entire batch of pulp has gone bad and I'm needed to handle this. Let me know when there's a game. I'll try and make that."

"That's okay." William knew his father wouldn't make it to the game either. He thought sports were a waste of time. It had no purpose so why should he go. Mom had gone to all the games. He picked at his food and then asked to be excused. 

Daniel followed him upstairs. "He might come to them this year if you keep reminding him about them."

"Right," he said, drawing out the word, but not believing for a second.

He took out his books and started on his homework. Daniel took a book from his shelf and looked at the pictures while lying on his brother's bed. The two stayed like that in companionable silence for more than an hour until Mrs. McKenna came and asked if they wanted dessert.

She gave them each a piece of apple pie and then went back into the laundry room to finish her chores.

"William, why don't we fight?"

He stopped with his fork in his mouth. "What do you mean?"

"Joey said we were unnatural because we don't fight. Are we supposed to fight?"

"I don't know."

"Joey said all brothers fight, it's how we learn to defend ourselves." He paused. "I don't want to fight you."

"There is nothing for us to fight about. Don't worry, I know how to defend us. It's my job."

Daniel seemed satisfied with the answer and went back to his pie. William thought about it for a few minutes. He did know how to fight. When he was in first grade he got into his first fight over the baseball diamond. Some fourth graders thought they could bump the little kids off it and they started picking on them. He fought hard that day and he and his friends kept the diamond. He only had a few cuts and just a little blood. No one even noticed at home. But since his brother was only a baby, he needed William to help him. Uncle Jim told him that, and he swore that he'd always protect his brother.

On thanksgiving they had a surprise guest. Uncle Jim descended down upon them. Their father wasn't very happy about the situation and he cast disapproving looks towards him continuously. William noticed that Uncle Jim didn't seem to care.

Mrs. McKenna cooked them a huge turkey with all the fixings and they had dinner around two in the afternoon. Then she left, to spend time with her family. Their father disappeared and the boys and Uncle Jim dressed warmly and went outside. He demanded to see the tree house that he had worked so hard on.

"You boys have done a wonderful job fixing this place up." Uncle Jim commended them.

William flushed with pride. He had spent a lot of time painting and finding small chairs that they could get up into the fort.

Daniel pulled out his GI Joe and showed it to his Uncle.

"Hey squirt, didn't I get that for you last Christmas?"

"Yep. I play with him all the time."

Uncle Jim ruffled his hair and then turned to William. "So how are things on the senses front?"

"What do you mean?"

"Daniel's special gift, his enhanced senses."

"Oh, we have some problems."

"My ears keep getting me in trouble," Daniel volunteered.

"I can see where people wouldn't like getting spied on."

Daniel was indignant. "I don't spy."

"But you overhear people talking when they think they're by themselves?"

Daniel nodded.

"That's kind of like spying," he informed them. "I could really use you where I work. How about if I pack you two into my suitcase and take you with me when I leave?"

Both boys' eyes lit up. "Could you really do that?" William asked, intrigued at the idea. "Daddy would never notice we were gone."

"Mrs. McKenna would though," Daniel pointed out.

"Sorry. If wishes were horses, beggars could ride." Uncle Jim really seemed to want them to go with him. A warm feeling filled William's chest. Why couldn't he be their father instead of the one they had?

"Are you having any other problems?"

"Not really..." William answered drawing out the last word, trying to figure out exactly what to say.

Daniel butted in. "Do all brothers fight? Joey says that me and William are unnatural."

"I don't know about all brothers. But I sure did fight with mine. We never got along; even now I can't stand them. Your mother was the only one in the family that I did like and she was eight years older than me. I was like her doll or something. Because I'm the youngest, I think I'm the toughest, cause I had not only to keep up with them all but also take all the poundings they gave me."

"Your brothers used to beat you up?" William was amazed.

"You betcha."

"How terrible."

"I think you're both lucky that you get along so well. Personally I think it's because your father is such a cold fish. Never did understand what your mother saw in him. Maybe it was just because the family hated him. She figured that if the family hated him then he must be all right."

Uncle Jim flushed a little then stood up quickly. "I think we ought to get back into the house. I for one am getting a little cold."

William didn't understand why Uncle Jim was acting uptight all of a sudden. Adults were so strange.

Their uncle stayed with them through Sunday and then he left. He said he had to go on a dangerous mission and he would write to them when he got back. William felt tears in his eyes as he hugged his uncle goodbye. He was careful not to let anyone see them.

****

Chapter Three-Ridicule

(Spring 1950)

William sat in the nurse's office waiting for permission to see his brother. Daniel had been in a fight and had lost badly. He wanted to pound those boys into the ground. Fury filled him. Each minute that passed made him madder and madder. Why did they need to pick on Daniel? His fists were clenched; the need to teach those bullies a lesson uppermost in his mind. He hadn't heard what happened, but the rumors were that two fifth graders had started pushing Daniel around. 

When he didn't fight back, they became rougher, until a teacher stopped them.

"William, come on back now," the nurse beckoned him.

He stood up and slowly walked to the back room filled with cots. Black and blue ringed Daniel's eyes and blood stained his clothes. Dried tears and dirt streaked his face and his hair stuck up all over the place. His shirt was torn and scratches could be seen as the fabric moved.

"He wouldn't calm down until we promised to let you come in. Your father can't be reached, but Mrs. McKenna is coming to pick you both up."

William went over to the cot where Daniel was sitting and sat down next to him.

"I'm going back to my desk. I'll let you know when she arrives."

"Okay, Mrs. Nary."

She left and immediately Daniel broke down. Fresh tears coursed down his face.

"Why did they start on you?"

"I was listening to the hummingbird. It was making this strange buzzing and I was concentrating so hard on it that I didn't hear them sneak up. Next thing I knew they were pushing me around and calling me sissy and saying I look stupid. I couldn't get my balance and then I fell on the ground. Someone kicked me, then it all went kind of fuzzy. Next thing I knew I was being helped up by Mr. Tanner and he helped me in here. I wanted you to come here and I think I screamed some."

"Who were they?"

"Frank Riddley and Kevin McKee."

"I'll get them. Nobody messes with you and gets away with it." He spoke it like a vow.

That night after dinner, William went alone to go look for Frank and Kevin. He found Kevin in the park throwing the ball back and forth with his big brother, Art. He walked purposely up to Kevin and started pounding on him. Art stayed back, watching the outcome. Finally winded, he threatened Kevin never to touch his little brother again, or next time he'd hurt him worse. Sporting only a black eye, William stalked home. He could hear Art laughing in the background. Then he heard Kevin ask in a whiney voice why he hadn't stuck up for his little brother like Billy did for Danny. William paused as the response came.

"Because you'll never become a man if you can't fight your own battles. Danny's a sissy and that will never change cause Billy won't let him grow up."

On the walk home William thought hard about what Art said. Was it true? No! Daniel was special because of his senses. Uncle Jim said that it was his job to take care of him, and Uncle Jim wouldn't lie. Feeling good over his administration of justice, he couldn't wait to tell Daniel about the trouncing that he gave Kevin. He'd get Frank tomorrow.

As he walked by Doug's house he noticed the light on in the garage. That meant Mr. Phillips was in the garage working on his car. William walked in and softly said hello. Doug was standing right next to his father looking inside the hood.

"Come on in son. I'm just tweaking this a little."

William walked over so he was standing on the other side of his friend's dad. He peered over the bumper into the guts of the engine. Mr. Phillips started a running commentary, describing exactly what he was doing. Both boys were fascinated. Night was approaching all to soon. With a hurried thank you, William continued home. He treasured the times he spent with Doug and Mr. Phillips.

The next day was the first baseball game of the season. He made it a point to find his father before school to remind him.

"Hey Dad, we're playing Mick's Ice Cream tonight in our first game. You're going to come, aren't you? All the other dad's are going to be there."

"I can't see myself sitting in the hot sun watching you boys all run around chasing a stupid ball. But if you make it to the championship game, then we'll see."

His father left the room, not seeing the tears leak out from his son's eyes. Brushing them off swiftly, he ran back into the foyer.

"Come on, Daniel, race you to the Turner's front porch."

The two boys took off.

"William, there's four people waiting for us up there."

"Do you see them?"

"Yeah. Kevin, Frank, Donnie and Harry. Are we going to sneak around them or walk right up to them?"

"I'm not afraid of them."

"I am."

Remembering what Art had said the night before, William said, "Well, we're going to walk right past them."

Straightening his shoulders, William led the way to where the four were hiding. He knew that confronting demons was the only way to defeat them. If you ran, then they'd keep chasing you. He had to teach that to his brother. As they came even with the bushes, the four boys jumped out at them. William held his breath, waiting to see what they'd do.

"Danny's a sissy, Danny's a sissy," they all chanted.

William dropped his books and made a fist and rammed it into Frank's face. He hated name-calling. He stepped back to aim for another when he noticed that they had all stopped and were staring at his brother. He braced himself and then turned around.

"What's wrong with him?" squealed Donnie.

Daniel was staring straight ahead at them, but not seeing anything. William knelt down and ran his hand in front of his brother's face but didn't get a response. He moaned to himself, "Not again."

"I pushed him down and he fell like a corpse. He's not even breathing, maybe he's dead like your mother." 

William saw red. He jumped to his feet and smashed Harry's face. Blood oozed down from his nose.

"If he's dead then you killed him."

William stood there and saw the fear enter the four boys' faces, and then they all ran off. Good, now he could deal with his brother in relative privacy. He knelt back down and put his hand on Daniel's shoulder.

"Daniel? They're gone." He shook the shoulder a bit. "Daniel, come on. Wake up." His voice began to sound desperate. "Can't you hear me? It's me, William. Everything's fine. They left."

Daniel blinked and took a deep breath. "What happened? I thought you were all fighting and..."

"It's all over. I won and they all ran away scared."

Daniel smiled and stood up on wobbly legs. He brushed off the seat of his pants and picked up his books.

"What happened this time?" William asked.

"I smelled the blood as it dripped down Frank's face. It was a funny smell but I couldn't..." he squinted, then smiled. "I'm glad it's over."

"You really need to help me when this happens."

"You want me to fight?"

"Yes, I do."

"I can't. What if I...I mean, my mind, it just can't."

William gave an exasperated sigh and then they returned home. They still had to eat dinner before the game.

The next day at school wasn't as easy. Donnie and Harry were waiting for them by the big oak tree, a block from school. There was no way around them and still make it to school on time.

"Will, I want to go home."

"We have to face them." He was determined not to let anyone get the best of him or his brother.

"Here comes the zombie!" Donnie called out in a singsong rhythm.

"I am not a zombie," responded Daniel, though the quavering in his voice betrayed his fear.

"You're a freak, Daniel, and William's the only one who can stand to be near you. Freak. Daniel's a freak."

William lost whatever patience he thought he had and slugged Donnie as hard as he could. Then he grabbed Daniel's arm and dragged him off towards the school. He was so mad. His knuckles were bleeding and he never noticed. He could feel Daniel turning around to see what the two boys were doing, but William didn't care. After Daniel was safely deposited in his homeroom, he went directly to the principal's office to tell him what happened. The nurse came to clean his hand up, while the principal waited.

"Young man, I do not tolerate violence of any kind in my school."

"But it wasn't..."

"Don't interrupt me! You know the sticks and stones saying, don't you boy?"

"Yes, sir."

"I will have a talk with Donnie and Harry. I will also call your father and tell him that his son is fighting at school. You are dismissed."

William slunk out of the office. His hand throbbed, and he felt embarrassed. However he didn't regret his actions and he'd do them again if provoked.

When school was over, William went directly to Daniel's room and his brother was waiting for him. Doug had already left, and the two brothers walked home without incident. For the next few weeks, everywhere they went, William could feel eyes following him everywhere. Daniel listened in on some of the conversations and relayed them verbatim. There wasn't anything they could do, except ignore it. Freak was bandied about, and now *he* was included in the taunts. William kept a close watch on his brother to make sure he didn't do anything else which would result in another round of name calling. Gradually it calmed down again, and the scene was forgotten.

The championship game was played on the evening of the last day of school. William's team did make it and William's father had promised to be there. Supper was served, yet Mr. Ellison had yet to arrive home from work. William played with his food, getting anxious that maybe his father forgot after all. They left for the park at six-thirty. Mrs. McKenna walked the two of them over. She would sit in the stands with Daniel and save Mr. Ellison a seat.

William took his turn at bat. It was the third inning and they had a man on first and third. He concentrated on the bat and then the pitcher. At the last minute he looked over at the bleachers and he could see his father taking a seat next to Daniel. A glow surrounded him and when the pitch came to him, his bat connected soundly and sent the ball far into the outfield. He took off for first and then second, and then third. Still the ball wasn't in the infield. With a huge laugh inside he took off for home. As he slid across the base, he felt pride over making a big play for his father to see. He would be so proud that maybe they would go to a real baseball game someday. Or even just go out together and practice in the back yard.

All the boys thumped him on the shoulders and he went to the bench. Three runs, he brought three whole runs in. He was giddy in his excitement. At the end of the game, their team was ahead by four. Many of the fathers got together and said they'd take the kids out for ice cream. William ran to the bleachers.

"Hey dad, you want to come? Wasn't that a great game? Did you see it? I hit a home run with two men on base." All his words ran together.

"Yes, son. I saw you run. Nice job."

He said it all in a monotone voice. There was no excitement. Nothing. Deflated, he asked again if his dad wanted to come out for ice cream.

"No, thank you. You go have fun with your friends."

He didn't feel like having ice cream any more. He looked over at Daniel and his brother gave him a small smile. "I saw it. You really looked good."

He ruffled Daniel's hair and decided to just go home. When they got there, his father made himself a drink and went to sit in the living room.

"Dad, you want to go throw the ball or something?"

"I'm too tired. Don't you have school tomorrow or something?"

With a sigh he told him that school was over for the summer. His father picked up a newspaper and silently dismissed him.

The phone rang later that evening. Uncle Jim had called to say hi. He was on leave for a few days in Boston. It was too long to travel all the way to Washington so he figured he'd give them a call. William told him all about the game and how they won. Uncle Jim sounded real excited and congratulated him. He hung up the phone in much better spirits than when he picked it up.

****

Chapter Four-Leaving Home

(Spring 1955) 

William was sitting on the couch studying for an exam. What made the endeavor difficult was the constant worry over his brother. Daniel had gotten worse lately. Adolescence was playing havoc with his senses as well as his emotions. He couldn't control either. It seemed like at least once a day William would come upon Daniel completely catatonic. Then it would take forever to get him to respond. He never knew how long Daniel had been in his trance, and even Daniel was never able to tell. Whenever it happened, Daniel's breathing would become shallow and his eyes would be staring at something, but frequently William couldn't tell what had triggered the episode. What if his heart just stopped beating or his lungs refused more air? Death. That scared William most of all.

Two weeks ago, their father caught Daniel having one of his episodes. They were at the table eating. Mrs. McKenna was dishing out a new dessert she had made. Strawberries were Daniel's favorite and she had made some kind of cake with the fruit and cream. Daniel took a bite and then stopped chewing. He sat there in his chair doing nothing.

"Daniel stop playing with your food," their father barked.

William hit his brother on the leg. When that didn't work he leaned over, blocking his dad's view, "Hey if you don't stop daydreaming, I'm going to eat your dessert."

Daniel started and resumed chewing.

William covered as best as he could. "There's a new girl in his class." Then he raised his eyebrows a bit.

Satisfied, the elder Ellison went back to his own dessert. That had been close. Father hadn't really caught them in anything that couldn't be explained, yet. William dreaded the day when he did.

He turned the page in his history book and glanced at the picture. However his mind still wasn't on the book. Just last week Daniel had goofed up in front of their friends, again. The gang had gotten together for a game of touch football. Daniel played quarterback because he had undeniably the best eye for throwing passes. Everyone agreed on that. They hiked him the ball and he stepped back to throw it, when suddenly he stopped. His eyes were looking downfield and his arm was back like it was about to throw, but his body stopped moving. Harry touched him, but Daniel didn't act like he felt it. Harry got mad thinking that Daniel was denying the touch, so he tackled him. Both boys went tumbling down. Daniel didn't even blink.

William panicked. He ran to his brother's side and started shaking him. Calming down slightly, he started talking softly, trying to gain Daniel's attention away from whatever he had focused on. It was almost ten minutes before Daniel blinked and came to. Relieved, the other boys started chattering and hitting each other on the back. Then Harry happened to remember another time that Daniel had done the same thing.

"Hey, Donnie, remember the time when Danny here turned into a zombie? He did it to avoid a fight. This time he did it because he couldn't find a man open."

"I remember when Daniel had that same vacant stare at church. I thought he was just bored with the sermon. Maybe he gets like this all the time."

They all began thinking up instances of when they had seen Daniel do the same thing. Soon they were all laughing and calling him a freak. It escalated into each trying to outdo the other in their stories. Soon Donnie asked if Daniel had ever been in a movie. Then they started naming movies, which featured zombies. Daniel's eyes began tearing, but he wiped them and stood up. He was still dazed, but embarrassment was taking over. He threw the football to the ground and stalked off. William glared at the offending teammates and followed his brother. Again, Daniel was running away.

He could feel the eyes on his back as he jogged to catch up to Daniel's retreating form. Nothing on earth unnerved him more than being stared at. Was his brother listening to their conversations as he stalked off? He hoped not. Each time the neighborhood kids witnessed one of Daniel's episodes, it became harder and harder to laugh off. Everyone knew there was something different about him, but they just hadn't put the pieces together. How could they when the truth was pure science fiction? What scared William the most was the possibility that Daniel would go blank and then never come out again.

The door slammed and Daniel ran into the house.

"Hmm, pot roast tonight. Is daddy eating with us?"

William blinked. What had just happened? Was he going to pretend that the altercation in the park had never happened? "I didn't see his car, so he's probably still at work," he responded slowly.

Daniel nodded. "After dinner could you help quiz me on my Latin? We've got a test tomorrow and I just can't conjugate some of those verbs."

He decided to go along with the charade. "No problem. I've got a history test on Friday, but that's still a few days away."

"Will, are you getting nervous about graduating?"

"What do you mean?"

"Daddy expects you to go work at the mill. I know you don't want to. You want to go to college."

"Yeah, squirt. That *had* been the plan."

"But you took all those tests and stuff last year."

"I've decided that I need to make some money first. College is expensive and I can't rely on dad to pay for it. There's no real hurry anyway."

Daniel seemed satisfied with the answer. How could he tell his little brother that he didn't think it was safe for him to leave? Especially after what had just happened. What if Daniel got worse while he was gone? No one understood what was going on in his mind. Well, he didn't either, but he had always been able to handle it. Mrs. McKenna would be scared stiff if Daniel blanked out in front of her. She had a hard enough time with Daniel knowing what was for dinner before he even came into the house.

College would be there in a few years. Maybe they could go together and share an apartment or something. Daniel could work while he took classes if he didn't want to continue his education.

The next evening, William's father called him into the den.

"I have a letter here from Rainier. You're enrolled in their business management program, and you'll start in the fall."

He placed the letter on the desk. There was quiet as William tried to digest what his father had just told him.

"You sent in an application without telling me?" he asked, trying to come to terms with it.

"Yes. Several men at work made comments that you'd be better off at college instead of at the plant. So I went and talked to your teachers and they said that you have a quick brain and that it was up to me to make sure you didn't let it go to waste. You had filled out a couple of applications and so I sent one in for you."

"I thought you *wanted* me to work at he mill?"

"I did, before."

"When? When did you decide all this?"

"Early winter."

"You applied way back then and didn't tell me?"

"I didn't want you to get your hopes up."

Fury assailed him. Why now? All his life his father had forgotten he even had sons. Now that he had his own plans, his own ideas, his father had to go and ruin them. Fear for his brother overcame his anger.

"What about Daniel?" was wrung out of him.

His father sat back and stared at him.

"I have let this situation go on long enough. You baby the boy. He needs to stand on his own. The separation will be good for both of you."

He made a last ditch effort. "I don't want to go."

"You will go," his father said sternly with all the authority of his position.

Defeated, William ran up to his room, slamming his door. He paced around and around. Could Daniel handle it without him? Could he control his senses and his blackouts? He threw himself on his bed, not knowing what to think. All his intuition told him this was the wrong thing to do. But his dad would never listen to him. His mind was made up and his word was law.

Daniel came into his room.

"I heard. Are you okay?"

"Did dad tell you, or did you listen in?"

"I came in the door and Mrs. McKenna made me go into the kitchen. She said daddy was telling you about college. So I listened in."

William tried to look beyond what Daniel was saying with words. "Are you scared?"

"A little. Do you think you've been babying me?"

"I don't know. Uncle Jim said it was my job to protect you."

"Maybe he only meant for you to do it when I was little. Now that I'm thirteen, I should be able to protect myself. After all, I can hear people if they plan to hurt me. I can see far away, if they decide to hide and wait to pounce on me. I can take care of myself. What good are my senses if I can't use them to protect myself?"

"What about your blackouts? What if you concentrate too hard?"

Daniel said nothing.

"You know that you've been getting worse with this lately. What if you black out and I'm not here to call you back?"

"I'll be very careful. At least Rainier is still in Cascade. He could have sent you to the university in Seattle or Portland, or even California. Will he let you live at home?"

"No. There's a room assignment in with the package."

"Oh."

That night at dinner, neither boy would talk with their father. The meal was quiet and when it was over they both escaped to their rooms to study. Finals were only a week away. William kept looking over at Daniel as he studied. The younger brother would smile reassuringly. Then William's eyes would return to his books. It appeared that he was more upset at the upcoming separation than Daniel.

When he had finished his homework he wrote a long letter to Uncle Jim. He poured out his fury at his father's back-handed methods. Then he described his fear for Daniel, and what the separation would do to him. He needed advice and he was praying that his uncle would give it to him.

Graduation dawned. Much to William's surprise, his father attended the ceremony. He graduated third out of a class of a hundred. Luckily he didn't have to make a speech. There were parties all over town and the Ellison boys attended quite a few of them.

Summer was then upon them. Mr. Phillips hired William to work as a mechanic.

"Figured I ought to pay you for all the work you do around here," he commented dryly.

It was true. Any free time was always spent in the garage working on cars. He loved getting his hands greasy fixing the engines. Especially the old cars. He wasn't sure if it was the friendship between himself and Mr. Phillips or the cars themselves, but he had the most fun in the Phillips garage. He felt blessed that his friend's father owned the only gas station in town and the only automotive fix-it place.

Halfway through the summer, Doug's father bought an old 1942 Ford and the three of them spent a lot of time in the evenings rebuilding it. Doug and William did a lot of the work and Doug's father supervised, or rather teaching them what to do. After the first few weeks Doug lost interest in the car. He wanted to work on the cars that came in to be fixed. He for some reason, felt like he was wasting his time on the "pile of junk" his father bought. That left William alone with Mr. Phillips. He soaked up every second of time they spent together. Daniel wasn't interested in cars, so he took his books and read in the corner. He never went out by himself to play with the neighborhood kids. This worried William, but there really wasn't anything he could do.

At the end of July they got word that Uncle Jim had died. He had been on a mysterious mission for the government and they wouldn't say how he had been killed. The funeral was to be in Seattle, where their mother had been from. The senior Ellison made the decision that they should all go. Secretly William had decided he would go even if his father had refused. They packed up the car and drove all the way there. He booked them into a hotel, and then they went to the funeral home. There they met for the first time that side of their family.

William was very nervous. Daniel stayed close to his side, overwhelmed by the sheer number of people present. Jim had been very popular. Men in Army dress uniforms were present, as where women who were obviously not part of the family. There was a group of people with children off to the side that William assumed to be his aunts, uncles and cousins. He looked for facial similarities between Uncle Jim and those people, but couldn't find any. None had Uncle Jim's ready smile and teasing nature. They stood stiffly and acted like they would rather be any place but there.

Their father walked over to them and introduced himself, and then William and Daniel. Only one of them, Aunt Rhoda, took the time to converse with them. William tried to ask the men questions about Uncle Jim, but was shot down by their condescending attitude. A few of the cousins talked to them, but since they didn't have anything in common it didn't go anywhere. The only thing William learned was that the cousins didn't know their Uncle Jim very well. He never went to visit 

*them*.

William had yearned to find a replacement for Uncle Jim in his affections and returned to Cascade feeling very disappointed and alone. Now if Daniel got into trouble there was no one to turn to. No one else would understand.

When they got home again, both were subdued. Not only because of the loss of their favorite uncle, but also because of William's impending departure for college. They packed his boxes and suitcases. William went over for his last night to work on the car. He was going to miss these good times.

William closed the hood. He went into the front seat and started the car. A smile lit his face as he heard the car turn over and the engine purr. Mr. Phillips came over to the open window.

"You did a great job with her Will."

"Thank you sir."

"I feel kind of guilty keeping her, since you were the one to revamp the engine and make her sound like new. So I want you to keep her."

His eyes grew round. "Keep her?"

"She has a piece of your soul under that hood, and I think she would be happy staying with you. I'd like to think of you riding around campus showing off your hard work."

William didn't know what to say. Tears gathered in his eyes and he hugged the man. Doug was so lucky to have a father like this.

"And don't forget to stop by when you come home. There is always ways to tweak her some more."

"Thank you. I'm sure I will."

He left the garage I his new car. His car. Mr. Phillips was right, it did have a piece of his soul inside. But not because he worked on the engines, but because it would always remind him of the good times they had shared.

His own father never made a comment on the car. He accepted the news with a nod and William personally felt the old man promptly forgot about it.

The day after Labor Day, they packed up both the family sedan and William's new car. Daniel tried to hide his tears, but William could still see his watery eyes. Even though Daniel was thirteen, almost fourteen, he sometimes acted immature for his years. Maybe the youngest always seemed to act that way only because of comparisons. He tried to remember himself at that age. Daniel's hair was still darker than his was, although his hair had darkened some in the past few years. But Daniel was definitely going to be taller than his own five foot eleven frame. He latched on to the hope that maybe he'd grow more while he was in college. Their father was six foot three and he desperately wanted to be that tall.

They were to drive to Rainier, just he and his father. Daniel had to stay home. As they started down the road, William could see the tears fall freely. He had an ache in his gut. Everything was screaming at him to stay home. He shouldn't be going. Daniel needed him here. But there was a tiny selfish part that was happy about going.

The dorm was easy to find. Everywhere one looked, there were parents helping to move their kids into their new homes. William's room was on the third floor, and together his father and he carried the boxes and suitcases up the three flights of stairs. After their last trip, both sank onto the bed's mattress in exhaustion. William assumed the boxes and cases filling the other bed belonged to his roommate.

"It looks small," Mr. Ellison remarked.

"I probably won't be in here much."

"It's nice that the dining hall is right in the building."

"I'll be home for dinner *often*," William stressed.

"I want you to fit in here. You won't if you keep running home all the time."

"I'll study and do well in my classes. I can't guarantee what I'm going to be doing when I'm not studying."

"All I'm asking is that you give it a try."

Just then the door blew open and a walking tornado came in.

"Hi, I'm Brian Houston. My family just left." He threw himself on the other bed.

William looked over at the person who was share his room for the next year. Brian has sandy brown hair with streaks of blond. His eyes were brown and he was built like a tank. He couldn't help thinking that he would make an excellent defensive end. Hopefully Brian was as obsessed about football as he was.

Throwing out his hand, he introduced himself. "I'm William Ellison and this is my father."

Brian got up and shook both of their hands. "I can't wait for this to all begin. We have to sign up for classes tomorrow. What are you majoring in?"

"Business management."

"I'm in engineering. Don't know which kind yet, though. Dad said to wait and see. I haven't unpacked yet. Dreading that part."

"Me, too." William looked at the daunting pile of boxes and suitcases.

"I'll leave you boys to your unpacking. Give me a call if you need anything." William's father stood there looking at him for a minute, a strange look on his face. It reminded William of their shared look in the kitchen on the day of his mom's funeral. It spoke of confusion and emotions he couldn't express. It was the first time in William's memory that his father had shown a little of his thoughts. He looked with wonder and a little fear. Should he give his old man a hug?

He broke the eye contact. "Bye dad. Thanks for bringing me." He couldn't do it. He just didn't know how.

Mr. Ellison nodded and left.

"Your dad's a little stiff."

"You mean cold. I know." William immediately started in on his unpacking, not wanting to talk about it.

"I brought a radio. You mind if I turn it on?" Brian asked.

"Go ahead. Might make it go a little easier."

They unpacked in companionable silence, both concentrating on where things should go. Brian pulled out some posters.

"You like football? I got Otto Graham and W. A. Tittle." He slowly unrolled the two posters. He took some tape and hung the two next to his bed. "I have a few baseball ones too."

"I love both," William remarked, looking with awe on the autographed poster of Graham. Sounded like Brian *did* like football.

Next Brian unrolled Mickey Mantle and hung that reverently in front of his desk. "He'll give me inspiration during all the homework assignments I'll have."

William laughed at that.

"I didn't bring any posters. I don't think I've ever owned any."

"We'll just have to buy you some."

The two boys had fun decorating and made up their bed last. Since it was almost six, they went down for dinner, where they talked about their families.

"Yeah, my mom died when I was eight."

"So it's just you, your dad and a younger brother?"

"His name is Daniel."

"You guys get along?"

"He's my best friend."

"I don't have any brothers, but I do have one sister. She's a brat; I can't stand her. She spends all her time dressing up, putting on make-up and flirting. I can't even bring home friends without her trying her feminine wiles on them."

"Is she younger than you?"

"Only by a year. She thinks all my friends are fair game. So beware if you ever meet her. Her hobby is playing with boys' hearts." Then he laughed. "And spending money. She's daddy's little princess. He drags her down in front of his friends and makes her play the piano and sing."

"Sounds like she's his pet."

"You got that right. He shows her off and she preens. It's really disgusting."

The whole scenario intrigued William. He had never met anyone like that before, and actually looked forward to meeting her. 

They easily drifted into a routine. Parties were a dime a dozen on campus. Fraternities vied for pledges, boosters held parties for the football players, and the different clubs held open houses trying to gain members. Brian was a force of nature that William had no control over. Together they hit every party to be found.

It took William two weeks before he found the time to get home. During dinner he described everything that he had been doing. First, he told all about Brian. It was Brian this and Brian that. Brian took him to parties. Brian dragged him out of the library to go to dances. Brian was as big a sports fanatic as he. Brian organized a football league comprised of teams from each of the dorms. They also joined a group who bought season tickets for the Cascade Jaguar basketball games. William had never been to a professional sporting event and couldn't wait for the season to start. During his monologue, William never noticed how quiet Daniel was. William was so wrapped up in his own life, that, except for the cursory question, he didn't think about the troubles Daniel might be having. He went on to tell a particularly funny tale of Brian and a girl he tried to ask out. His father wore a big smile.

That night William and Daniel went over to the garage to work on the car. Doug wasn't around so Daniel hung around. With the excitement of coming home for the first time over, William was able to concentrate on his brother.

"Hand me that wrench," William asked.

With the wrench in hand he started loosening up a spark plug. "So how are you really doing?" he asked while still bent over in the engine.

"Okay. I haven't lost any time that I know of. I've tried real hard not to use my senses at all. In fact, I drank some soured milk last week before I realized what I was doing."

"That's great, I think."

"I really can't control them. I guess it's use them or suppress them. There is no middle road."

"While I'm not there, you better suppress them. I'd hate for you to black out or get lost inside with no one around who knows what's going on or who can help you."

Daniel agreed. For awhile that night, it was like old times. But the next morning he had to get back to school. As he drove, William found himself eagerly looking forward to the football game that afternoon. He had told Daniel that he had to study, afraid of hurting his feelings by saying he was going back to play football with the guys.

The second weekend in October was Parents' Weekend. Mrs. McKenna and Daniel came out for the Saturday festivities. Brian's whole family came to spend the weekend. The schedule said that parents were to arrive between ten and twelve. There would be a luncheon at the student union, and then off to the Rainier Mountain Lion's football game. After that, everyone was to meet at the auditorium for a program and then kids and parents were free until the big get together at the stadium. A live band would be performing, and there would be punch and dancing.

Brian and William didn't meet each other's family until after the football game. They all ended up in the dorm room in preparation to going out for dinner. William was sitting on his bed with Daniel when Brian and his folks walked in. William stood up ready to start introductions when he gazed upon Brian's sister. His tongue stuck to the roof of his mouth and nothing would come out. She was the most beautiful creature he had ever seen. She had dark brown eyes and long, very long, legs. He couldn't stop staring at them. He tried to raise his eyes to her face, but they kept dropping lower.

He could hear Brian's voice as he spoke, but his mind was frozen. She smiled at him and he blushed. He had dated frequently at home, but nothing could compare to her perfection.

"Will, this is my sister Grace."

He smiled at her. She smiled back, but without any of the shy embarrassment evident in William. The two families decided to go out to dinner together. William found himself sitting between Daniel and Brian and across from Grace. Conversation was difficult for him because every time he looked up, she was looking at him. After dinner they went to the program and then to the stadium. William found himself dancing every dance with her. Others tried to take her away, but she refused them. The night passed in a cloud of desire and unreality.

He walked Mrs. McKenna and Daniel to their car, his mind still in a haze.

"Will, be careful of her. Her smile doesn't reach her eyes," warned his brother.

"You don't like her?"

"I don't trust her."

"I think she's beautiful and she's Brian's sister," he said as if that was all the recommendation she needed.

Daniel gave his brother a hug, and then got into the car. William floated back to his room. Brian was already there. His family had left to go to their hotel room. William wanted to question Brian about Grace, but was afraid and embarrassed. Everything was too new. When he closed his eyes he could see her looking at him. Her big brown eyes seemed to go right through him. His arms tingled as he remembered them around her waist. Anticipation flooded his body as he thought about the next day.

Unfortunately it didn't happen the way he envisioned. Brian had awakened first and gone to breakfast without William. Then the family had returned home. Disappointment hit him hard thinking that maybe Brian had deliberately kept them apart. But he knew he'd see her again. It was just a matter of time. His mind was made up. Eventually she would belong to him. She just needed time to grow up. Maybe next year, when they were both in college, he told himself. Meanwhile he would keep track of her through Brian, hopefully without him being aware of it.

He went home for dinner that following Wednesday. He had an exam that afternoon and decided at the last minute to surprise everyone. Driving into the driveway, he was surprised to see Doc Hammet's car there. Running into the house, he found Daniel catatonic on the couch. Mrs. McKenna stood off to the side, crying. His father hovered near to the couch, while the doctor was listened to Daniel's heartbeat.

"What happened?!" William asked as he skidded across the hardwood floor.

His father looked over at him. "We don't know. He was outside and Mrs. McKenna called him in for supper. When he didn't come I went out to find him. He was sitting in the swing just like this. I carried him in and called the doctor."

William waited for the doctor to finish. "Can I talk to him?"

The doctor was sitting on the ottoman with a stethoscope against Daniel's chest. He turned and looked up at William. "I don't see why not." He let William have his place.

William could hear him talking to his father and Mrs. McKenna in the background.

"I don't why he's not responding. His eyes are fixed and his breathing is very shallow. Could be a seizure of some kind."

William tuned him out and concentrated on his brother. Very quietly he talked to him. "Come on, Daniel. I know you can hear me. I'm home now. I can't help you unless you look at me. Turn off everything but the sound of my voice. Focus on me." He grabbed his hand and squeezed it. "I don't want you listening to anything else but me. I've got some wonderful stories to tell you. But you have to look at me. You have to listen to only me."

Slowly William could feel Daniel respond. His hand moved and then his eyes fluttered.

"Hey, come on, Daniel. Look at me."

"What are you doing home, Will?"

"You blacked out again. I came home to find you..."

"Daniel!" Mrs. McKenna cried.

Mr. Ellison came over to the sofa. He looked from one to the other and then back to the doctor. "It seems that William knew what was wrong all the time. Was this a little stunt to get your brother home?"

Both William and Daniel were shocked at the insensitivity of their father. Neither could articulate their feelings, so they ignored them and their father. William concentrated on his brother. "We'll talk about this later."

The doctor put his equipment away, since he wasn't needed anymore. "Call me if this happens again. Daniel could have a neurological problem, and it may not be as controllable as you think." Then he left.

With a disgusted look, missing the doctor's point entirely, their father left the room.

"Come on, Daniel, let's go upstairs."

After the boys were safely behind closed doors, William started grilling his brother.

"Tell me everything that happened."

"I got in a fight at school today."

"Yeah. About what?"

"I heard Lewis say I was chicken because I wouldn't play football with them during lunch recess."

"Why didn't you play?"

"I was afraid that I'd concentrate too hard and, and, you know."

"Yeah I know."

"I don't know how to concentrate just a little. As soon as I focus on something, I'm lost. I don't know what to do." There was a tinge of panic in his voice that William caught full force.

"What made you lose it today?"

"I was sitting on the swing and remembering the fight. I could hear them taunting me and then I could hear them in the distance still talking about me."

"How far away were they?"

"At the park."

"That's four blocks away."

"I wasn't trying to listen in. I was thinking and the next thing I knew I could hear them say my name. They were planning on a sneak attack. That's all I remember. The next thing I knew I heard your voice."

Chills ran down William's spine. "I had a hard time getting you to come back. Dad and Mrs. McKenna tried and they didn't have any luck. This is really dangerous. You have to promise not to do something so stupid again."

"I need to be able to control it. I can't just not use my gift, it's a part of me."

"But it hurts you to use it. If I'm not here..."

"That's why I need to practice more."

"This summer, when I'm home, we'll practice. But for now, make a conscious effort not to use any part of your gift."

"Okay, Will. I'll try harder."

William went back to school that night troubled. Daniel was getting worse and there didn't seem any way to help him. When Daniel lost himself in his mind, it looked like he was the only one who could bring him back. What if one day it didn't work? What if Daniel lost himself so deep that he could no longer hear William's voice? Maybe working on controlling his senses was the answer. If Daniel had control, maybe he could bring himself back, or not get lost to begin with. He wished there was someone he could talk this over with. But no one would understand. They'd call Daniel a freak and lock him up in some lab and do experiments on him.

William made a point to call his brother every night during his 8 p.m. study break. It became a ritual that at least enabled him to keep abreast of every aspect of Daniel's life. He reinforced the danger of focusing on only one sense. And throughout the year, Daniel was good. He had no more blackouts and his relationship with his peers settled down. William was invited to Brian's home during spring break. He debated about going, but the thought of a week in Grace's company overshadowed any worry he might have about his brother. He did see Grace every day. Unfortunately she was playing a little game of ignoring him. She was still in high school and still young, he rationalized. Next year, he promised himself.

They went to the NBA basketball playoff game during the break. The Jags were eliminated in the second round, which depressed the two young men. They swore to always keep their seats and even after they both graduated from college, they would continue to go to the games.

On William's last night at the Houston home, Grace stopped playing her little game and made a point of talking to him alone. They talked about Elvis and Pat Boone, and then she gave him a little kiss good night. Laughing, she ran off, leaving him bemused.

****

Chapter Five-Zone Out

Summer 1956

Summer was soon upon them. Brian promised to invite William to his home in July, and William did likewise for August. Doug's father hired William back at the garage full time. He was allowed to pump gas and take the money this year. In addition, he was in charge of all the oil changes that came through. William's father wasn't happy at the choice of his summer job, but since the money was good, William figured it was enough to keep the old man's mouth shut.

On his first day off, Daniel reminded him of his promise. "You said that you'd help me experiment with my senses."

William dreaded the exercise. "Maybe if we start with one sense at a time we can find the limits to each."

"Then I'll know what I can do if I'm alone."

"Right. There have to be ground rules. I don't want to push too hard because we get excited. If you feel like you're going to lose it, you have to let me know."

"I promise."

The first sense they tried was touch. All over town they went finding different textures to experiment with. It became a game and both found it fascinating. Two weeks later they traded touch for taste. This was Daniel's favorite. He tried all kinds of different foods and through 

William's coaching, he could distinguish spices from flavorings and he could tell blindfolded the difference between Mrs. Turner's potato salad and Mrs. McKenna's. At the Fourth of July picnic, Daniel sampled all the different dishes and was able to identify secret ingredients from many of them.

"You know, by paying attention I can taste the difference between apple juice from Food Club and Value Rite. The apples they use are different," Daniel threw out as they sat on the blanket in the shade. It was more than eighty-five degrees and they had been chugging drinks all day.

"What other tastes have you noticed?"

Daniel laughed. "I can almost predict how old milk is. It gets a slightly bitter taste the older it gets. Must be the germs spoiling it that I taste."

"That's really sick."

"I can't help it. Now that I'm aware that I *can* notice the subtle differences in things, it just happens."

"Can you do the opposite? Can you make your taste buds less sensitive?"

Daniel took another sip of his apple juice. He rinsed it around in his mouth and then swallowed. "Yeah. I can just taste the juice. The bitter taste of the Food Club brand is gone. This is unbelievable." Daniel grinned from ear to ear.

"Okay, now try with touch. We were so busy trying to test the limits in one direction, we forgot that you should be able to make yourself less sensitive."

Daniel ran his hands along the grass. His fingers touched the clover flowers and the grass blades. "I can do it. I can will myself to make it feel just like grass." He looked down. "I didn't feel the slight indentation on this blade or that there were petals missing from this flower."

Both became very excited at this new turn of events. William started to believe that maybe control was possible.

They took a break from the tests when William went to Brian's home. Daniel swore that he wouldn't use his enhanced senses until William came back. Grace was there and during that week, William spent a little time with her. Brian was eager to show William all his favorite hangouts. Some time was spent at the club, and then they went to the drive-in at night. Several times William felt overwhelmed at the number of friends that Brian had. Then he realized that these friends were all the same. He didn't confide anything to them, they were just around to have a good time with. However with William, Brian was able to share his innermost secrets. He told of how he didn't want to take over the family business. He wasn't interested and didn't believe he had the skill.

One night they drove to the airport. They lay in a field at the end of a runway and watched the planes take off. They brought a cooler of sodas, and just lay under the stars talking and confiding.

"Dad wants me to change my major to business."

"I thought he didn't mind engineering."

"He told me when I enrolled that I could start in engineering because my math skills are so strong. But all of a sudden this summer, he's been insinuating that business would be better."

"Is he putting pressure on you?"

"Yup. Plus, he adds the little bonus that if I go into business you and I will have classes together."

"But if you don't want to go into business, then stick to your guns."

Brian laughed sardonically, "Easy for you to say."

"I know. I didn't even want to come. Daniel needs me at home."

"Your brother? Why?" he sounded perplexed.

William took a deep breath. Should he tell Brian? It really wasn't *his* secret, but he really needed a sounding board. Guilt warred with need, and he slowly exhaled. He couldn't betray his brother.

"Daniel is, well, supersensitive." That was the truth. "And you know my dad, he's just the opposite."

"I think you're over protective. You should let the boy grow up on his own. You won't be there for him forever, you know."

William couldn't see anything wrong with being responsible for Daniel for the rest of his life. In fact it seemed natural, almost inevitable. Looking into Brian's eyes, he knew his friend just didn't understand the bond between the two brothers, and he couldn't explain about the enhanced senses.

They stayed at the airfield for a few hours, then went back to Brian's home. The Houston's had a huge pool in their backyard, and they changed into their suits. A good amount of time was spent lounging by the pool.

The next day, Grace decided to spend some time with them. Brian was muttering obscenities, which she totally ignored. He tried to tell her to just go away, but she ignored that, too. William was glad. He wanted to be near her. She lathered herself up with suntan lotion and sat in a chair sunning herself. William found it hard to swim just thinking about Grace's almost naked body so close to him; he couldn't stop looking over at her. When she finally decided to cool off, she would slide up to him and just barely touch her leg against his, or her arm across his chest. One time as she swam the tips of her breasts slid along his arm; he quivered in reaction.

On his last night, they had a party. Brian invited many of his friends, as did Grace. During the evening, Grace led William to a secluded corner. She slid his hand up her shirt and then arched her back to kiss him. Her arms wrapped around his neck while her fingers threaded through his hair. He was drowning in sensation. Just when he thought he couldn't take it anymore, someone dumped a bucket of cold water on top of them. William's dazed expression met a grinning Brian.

"You better fix yourselves up. People have noticed that you're missing."

William blushed at the implication, but Grace just gave a satisfied smile. Both left their hide-a-way and rejoined the party. That night William relived their kiss over and over in his mind. He couldn't sleep at all. Grace was nowhere to be found the next day when William left. He couldn't understand why she didn't want to say goodbye. He drove home with his mind consumed with thoughts of her. He'd had fun with Brian, but his encounters with Grace left him aching and yearning for more.

William was relieved to find that Daniel hadn't had any difficulties while he was gone. He had been afraid that he might try using his senses, because of things he had learned during their tests on touch and taste. During the drive he started thinking about his future. He knew that he wanted Grace and Brian in it. But Daniel was a big part of it, too. Daniel had enhanced senses. But how many did he have? He knew for a fact that he had better sight and could hear better. He'd had them since birth he presumed. Now he knew that touch and taste were also enhanced. Smell was something they also needed to test. He remembered the time Daniel had smelled the house fire and warned the neighbors in time to get out. So that was five. But after thinking about it he realized there had to be a sixth. Emotions. Daniel's emotions were heightened also. He felt so intensely. Everything hit him harder than the regular person. He couldn't bounce back when he'd been insulted or had a bad day. Sometimes he would ignore it, but it lingered there, William could always tell. One could argue that because he was going through adolescence now, everything was heightened. While that was true, it didn't explain it all. The boy was fragile. Because of that, 

William would have to take special care of him, and that probably meant not just as kids, but when they became adults, as well. Daniel may not be able to function on his own, ever. Images of Grace filled his mind. Would she be able to accept it?

When William got home, he didn't tell Daniel anything about his conclusions. He was full of stories about what he'd done and how much fun he had, but his future plans remained locked in his head to consider further. He went back to work at the garage. Doug was there, and the two young men took apart the Ford to make some adjustments. They also pumped gas for the locals and did a tune-up on Mrs. Turner's old Chrysler. That evening Daniel and he sat down to discuss the next phase of their tests.

"I really want to do hearing next."

"That's the one you have the most trouble with. I'm thinking of smell next."

"That's boring. I did touch because you wanted to. Now I want to do hearing."

William could see the excitement radiate off of him. "All right. It's against my better judgment, but we'll do that next." He was resigned. "But don't practice unless I'm with you. I'm afraid of this sense most of all."

"That's why we should master it as soon as possible." Daniel paused, looking up at him expectantly, "Where do we start?"

"I'm thinking we should go out back. We can listen..."

"We?"

"Sorry, figure of speech. *You* can listen for some night sounds. First listen for crickets."

"That's too loud. I need soft things."

"I know. We have to start loud and then work backwards. Maybe start with the crickets and then listen for rabbits hopping in the brush. I don't know."

"Come on, let's go out now." He jumped off the couch and headed for the back door.

William laughed at his exuberance. As he got up he yelled to Mrs. McKenna, "We're going out."

She acknowledged them and they grabbed a blanket from the mud-room. They went far back, past the orchard and into the wheat field. William spread the blanket out and they sat on top of it.

"I can hear the crickets."

"Okay, now ignore them. Tune them out like we do the radio. Try for a different station."

"Yeah, I can hear buzzing over there. I can hear flapping, lots of flappings." He looked awed. "I think they're bats."

"I can't see any bats or hear the buzzing."

Daniel tilted his head and smiled. "I can hear bugs as they fly around the creek. Frogs are eating them. This is fantastic. I can hear the frog's tongue come out and then I stop hearing a particular bug flying."

"The creek is more than four blocks away."

"I think I can hear deer coming to drink. I hear a soft lapping, so I suppose it could be a dog or something. No wait, it's moving. The footsteps, or hoof steps, or whatever are very quiet. I think it's a deer."

So Daniel and William sat out for more than two hours, listening to the night sounds. The stars all came out and still they lay on the blanket absorbing the serenity of the night and the comfort of each other's company.

With new confidence, they branched out to more complex sounds. Each day they tried something different, but had yet to try people talking. William was worried that this would be like eavesdropping, and that wouldn't be honorable. Except each time that Daniel had blacked out it had been by listening to people talk. So after two weeks of practicing with things from nature, they graduated to humans.

"I think we should start at home and listen to Mrs. McKenna first," was Daniel's suggestion.

"Let's go up into your room and concentrate from there."

Daniel grinned. "Race you up the stairs."

William laughed and followed behind.

"She's humming that Patti Page song."

"I can't hear it."

"I don't have to concentrate at all. It's just like I'm listening to you. This isn't even trying. What about if I just open my ears and see what happens?"

William did not like that idea. "Isn't that taking too big of a chance?"

"I did it listening to the night stuff."

"But the night stuff was just noise. Now you're going to try for conversations."

William relented and Daniel opened up his hearing. "I can hear Mr. Turner in his garage. He's sharpening some knives. Mrs. Turner is in the house squeezing lemons or oranges."

"How can you tell?"

"I can hear the fruit and it twists back and forth on that thingy. I can tell when she gets a fresh half cause more juice comes out." Daniel laughed. "I can hear the juice as it drips down the sides. I think they're lemons because there seems to be less juice than if they were oranges." Daniel wore a huge grin.

But William didn't share his brother's enthusiasm. He was still nervous, but not once did Daniel lose control. It was all a game to him and he was having loads of fun. It was like discovering a new way to play with an old toy. The only problem was when Mrs. McKenna came up to offer them desert, Daniel's hearing was wide open. When she started speaking, Daniel screamed in pain and put his hands up to his ears.

"My dear boy, do you have an ear infection?"

His eyes were still a bit glazed. "No, I'm all right." He shook his head a few times, and she gave both of them a puzzled look.

They abandoned their tests and went to get some of the brownies she had baked. William was relieved to be finished for the time being. Daniel was happy that he did seem to have control over his senses. He had passed the first hurdle.

On the last day of July, Daniel and William were throwing the football in the back yard. They weren't doing any tests, just enjoying some free time. They talked about teams and standings and how neither could wait for the pre-season.

"I can smell chocolate-chip cookies baking?"

"Mrs. McKenna?" William asked.

Daniel took another wiff. "Nope, Mrs. Turner."

"Maybe we should go into the front yard so she can see us."

"And take pity on two starving guys." Daniel laughed.

So they walked around to the front and tossed thew ball a few more times. Sure enough Mrs. Turner saw them and called out her front window.

"Do you boys want any cookies?"

"Sure," they both yelled back.

They stood still in the yard waiting for her to come out.

Just then Daniel stiffened. "Daddy's on his way down the street. He seems to be going awfully fast."

William couldn't move. Things happened in slow motion, yet he never had time to react. Almost simultaneously, his father came down the road and Mrs. Turner started to cross the street carrying her very full plate of cookies. She was looking at her burden rather than the street, so she never knew what was coming. His father was looking straight ahead and then into their driveway so he didn't appear to see her either. The right front bumper hit her and sent her flying into the air, back onto her driveway. Brakes squealed as William's father halted abruptly.

Mr. Turner came running out, and joined William and his father as they bent over the injured lady. William ran into the house to call the ambulance, then went back to the street. Mrs. Turner was unconscious, so they weren't sure how badly she was hurt. Soon they could hear the sirens and the ambulance pulled up behind Mr. Ellison's car. Paramedics jumped out with a gurney and backboard. At that point she was alive but still not conscious.

William stood next to his father as they watched the ambulance ride away. It was at that moment that William realized that Daniel hadn't joined them. He turned around quickly and saw his brother standing in the same place, just staring ahead. Their father didn't notice anything and he walked slowly back to his car and drove it up the driveway. William returned his attention to his brother.

"Daniel, can you hear me? Let's sit down. I don't think my legs will support me anymore."

William tried to pull Daniel to the ground, but his legs were rigid. In fact all his muscles were tense. He slid his hands up and down Daniel's arms, trying to get his attention.

"Come on Daniel. We're standing in the middle of our front yard. You have got to come out of this. Oh God, what made you lose touch this time? Can you hear me? Feel my hands? Hear my voice?"

There was no reaction. His eyes were staring at where the car had been. William was getting frantic now.

"Are you upset because of the accident? She's not dead. I'm sure she'll be all right. Now we have to concentrate on you. You have to listen to me."

A large booming voice interrupted his pleadings. "Son, what's going on? Something wrong with Daniel?"

William turned slowly towards his father. "He's catatonic again. I can't bring him out of it."

His father picked Daniel up and carried him into the house. The body wasn't as stiff as before and relaxed into the arms. The trip back into the house was agonizingly slow. William was scared out of his mind. This was all his fault. Because of the tests, Daniel had started using his gift more often. They didn't have control and no matter how much practice they had, they would never master it. It wasn't a gift; it was a curse.

William stayed by his brother while his father called the doctor. Continuously William talked, trying to reach Daniel through his own voice, to no avail. He tried soft, soothing words. He tried panicked, hurried words. He even resorted to shaking him. Nothing would rouse him from this catatonic state. His hands were trembling in fear by the time he heard the doctor drive in.

After giving Daniel a cursory examination he decided to admit him to the hospital for tests. William and his father drove Daniel in and then sat in the waiting room. As the time dragged on, William could see his father folding right in front of him. Watching *him* collapse was just another straw on the camel's back. He put his arm around his dad, but the man didn't yield. He sat stiffly and wouldn't accept the comfort William offered and subconsciously needed in return. He removed his arm and sat straight in his own seat, rebuffed and hurting.

Then the doctor came out to address them.

"You two might as well go home. The tests are scheduled for tomorrow morning. There's nothing you can do here. If he wakes up from his coma, we'll call you immediately."

"Is it really a coma?" William asked.

"Not by the strict definition of the term. His brain waves are normal, but his pupils are fixed. Clinically, I can't say what's wrong. He's not unconscious, but he is non-responsive. I don't know how long this can last. It could be a result of an epileptic seizure or possibly a stroke. We'll need those tests results in order to make even an educated guess."

William didn't want to leave. Maybe if he kept talking to Daniel, he'd come out of it. But the doctor wouldn't listen. He ordered them both home. He knew it wasn't a seizure. It was the result of tampering with something they didn't understand. It was his fault.

William and his father went to the hospital the next day. Some of the test results were in, but there was still no diagnosis. They knew there hadn't been a stroke. What worried the doctors the most was the lowering respiratory rate. His breathing was slow and shallow. Twice during the night his heart had stopped, but it had started up again. William sat in the room, alternating between holding his brother's hand and talking softly to him with pacing the room and almost getting angry. His father sat in his chair and said nothing. It was almost like he wasn't there. Twice he got up to get coffee and go to the bathroom, but other than that, he sat in the chair all day long.

William tried to talk to his father, but the man was like a rock. His face showed no emotion. At around six that evening, Daniel's heart stopped once more. William happened to be looking at his father at that same time and saw stark fear enter his eyes, but it was quickly erased. Then William had to wonder if he had imagined the look.

They were both ushered out of the room. Several minutes later the doctor came out and said that Daniel was stabilized once more. Then he ordered them both to go home. William was so scared to leave. If Daniel had a chance of coming to, it would only be because of his voice. With him gone, his brother might slide into death. With great reluctance he let his father take him home.

The weeks in August slipped by. Brian didn't come to visit as planned. Daniel got weaker and weaker. William went up to visit him every day and sat by the bedside and talked to him. Using the soothing qualities of his voice, he told Daniel that Mrs. Turner was fine. She had broken a hip when she landed, and would be laid up for a few months or so, but she was alive and well. Yet nothing made a difference. The nurses turned him, hoping to prevent bedsores. They fed him intravenously. But his body shriveled into a bag of bones and loose skin. Throughout it all, William blamed himself for his brother's condition. Instead of encouraging this, he should have prevented him from using the curse. How could he have been so arrogant as to believe that he could help Daniel control it? How he wished he could do it all over again. Never would he have initiated those stupid tests. All those years when Daniel had been ridiculed for being different, for being a freak, should have given him a clue. It all pointed to the fact that using those enhanced senses was wrong. Very *very* wrong.

William didn't want to return to school. His place was by his brother bedside. When everyone insisted, he felt like his soul was being gutted from his body. They couldn't expect him to just go on with his life while his brother lingered in such a state. Guilt competed with desolation. He registered for classes and then drove to the hospital to sit and talk to Daniel. For the next week he went to classes, then went directly to the hospital. Several times he ran into his father. Both looked haggard as they continued their bedside vigil. His father even spoke out loud once when he thought no one was listening. William stood by the door not wanted to intrude. But nothing made a difference. The following Saturday, while both looked on, the heart monitor went to a flat line. Again they were ushered out of the room. They waited and waited, but the doctor didn't come out again. When he did he was shaking his head. Daniel was dead. Nothing the doctors did would bring him back. William sat in a chair in the hall looking at the doctors and equipment that went in and out of his brother's room. Nothing made a difference. He was in shock. Those damned, enhanced senses had killed his brother. His encouragement may not have helped matters, but the bottom line was that this gift was a curse. Why had God done such a terrible thing to him?

****

Chapter Six-Grace

Spring 1960

William sat next to Brian in the Rainier auditorium. Grace was graduating from college. She was so pretty with her new hairstyle and sleek legs that peeked out from underneath her graduating gown. The gown itself was a pure white, and the new soft curls made a striking contrast. Her degree was in Liberal Arts, with a focus in literature. He was so proud that when all her other friends were quitting school to get married, she had refused, saying that she wanted her diploma. 

He thought back to the first day his sophomore year; her first as a freshman. He was depressed and apathetic. Daniel was near death with no hopes of revival. Grace became his shadow. She lightened things up for him after Daniel's death. When he threw his books aside to wallow in pity, she gave him a swift kick and told him to get going. He was alive and Daniel wouldn't want him to give up because of him. She was his motivation, his drive, his confidant and then his lover. God, he loved her so much. Brian only saw the external part of her, the shell that was exposed to strangers. But William was able to see inside and she was beautiful. He didn't think he would have ever graduated if it hadn't been for her.

This past Christmas, after going out for three years, he had given her a diamond solitaire and asked her to marry him. She smiled through tears and said yes. They had set the date for July, so between graduation parties and bridal showers, they hadn't seen each other much. Brian was going to be best man, and her friend Evelyn was to be maid of honor. Thoughts of Daniel threatened to overtake him. Daniel should have been best man. Instead he was lying under six feet of dirt in the Westfield cemetery.

The band started playing as the graduates started the recessional. The ceremony was over. At least this one was. He purposely banished Daniel from his mind. This was supposed to be a happy occasion, and shouldn't be shadowed by melancholy. He stood up and clapped with the rest of the audience. Their eyes met across the aisle. She gave him a sweet seductive smile that held many promises. He smiled back, relinquishing his ghosts.

Brian and William went to the fourth game of the Jags versus the Lakers. The Jags were picked to lose, but they had hopes. The women were at yet another party, and William knew that Grace had told Brian to keep him company. Little did she realize that they would have gone to this game anyway. They sat in the same two seats that they had when in school. Each promised never to give up the ritual. William might play golf with his future father-in-law, or tennis with his future mother-in-law, but his heart was in the trips to the basketball games with his future brother-in-law. The country club excursions were only for show and to please Grace. Her social life revolved around the people from the club.

During intermission they bought a beer and sat back with their feet propped on the seat in front.

"Will, I have some bad news for you."

William looked at his friend.

"I'm moving. Dad is sending me to Chicago. I'm supposed to work under the VP there and learn how to run the business. Says it'll be a good experience for me."

He was stunned. They had both started in Brian's father's company after graduating last year. Brian was a civil engineer and designed building plans and such. He really enjoyed this work, but his father wanted him to be more involved in the running of the business. William was more of an executive and dealt primarily with clients and did a little trouble-shooting.

"We've only been working there for a year, how does he expect you to handle something like that?"

"Montgomery's there. I'm supposed to listen to every word that old man says and memorize it."

"Your dad isn't thinking of retiring soon, is he?"

"No, but he's questioning my leadership skills. Seems his other son shows more promise."

"Other son? I didn't know you had a brother." William was confused.

"You, he's talking about you. He sees a great future for you in the company. You've got just the right amount of reserve for an executive and a good brain. Dad says I'm too flighty and that Chicago should calm me down and teach me something."

William was crushed. He would gladly give up his standings in his future father-in-law's eyes, if only Brian wouldn't move away. A feeling of abandonment assailed him.

"I want us to keep these tickets. I'll fly home and then we can go to some of the games just like we've always done. When I can't make it, bring Grace." Brian laughed at his joke. There was nothing on earth that could persuade Grace into going to watch a bunch of sweaty men run all over the floor bouncing a ball. She was too refined for that.

The second half of the game was a disaster. The Jags were out-rebounded, out-shot, and made mistake after mistake. It was a fitting end after the news Brian had just given him. His best friend was leaving. There would be no one to share things with. No more long talks over drinks. He'd keep the tickets and go to the games when Brian came to town. But he foresaw his future with Grace as one country club party after another. Golf instead of football. He sighed with regret. Grace would never be able to fill the void her brother's leaving would cause.

The two men returned to Brian's home after the game. The women were already there.

"Look, Will, Aunt Bev gave us this darling set of wine glasses."

She held a glass up to the light and stared through it. Then she brought it down and ran her finger around the edge. "Hear how it sings?"

William smiled with affection, although he could really care less. Brian jabbed him in the ribs, snickering.

"Dear, come and look at all the things we got." She set the glass down and held up a sculpture. William couldn't even tell what the figure was.

"Let me get us a drink," Brian said as he gave William a wink. He whispered as he passed, "You're going to need it."

William tried to keep a straight face. Grace opened up a box and brought out a hand-embroidered lace tablecloth. She ran her hands over it like it was a priceless heirloom. Then she ran her hand over his face and he smiled in real appreciation. Women. He stayed for another hour, then left to go home.

The house that he and Grace had purchased, with the financial help of her father, was in an upscale part of the suburb of Chesterfield. Many of the houses were owned by executives and their growing families. His father-in-law had talked him into living here, even though he knew it was beyond them at this point in their lives. Grace fell in love with the house on first sight. He couldn't fight both of them. It was too big for them now, but he supposed that after the kids came, it would work out fine.

He entered the house through the garage doorway, walked up the stairs and went out onto the little balcony. The balcony itself was merely decorative, although the floor was sturdy enough to stand on. It was his favorite place in the house. Out here he could still be outside and feel a part of the world. Once he went back in, it was like another world, Grace's world. The balcony didn't have a door, but a large window opened out onto it. Feeling rather guilty, he would open it and climb out. Grace would have a fit if she saw him behaving in such an uncouth manner. There he would reflect on the day and enjoy the solitude. It was like his own little corner of the world.

He climbed out onto the balcony and looked up at the stars. He was tired and feeling very depressed. Why did Brian have to leave? Things were just settling down to the way he wanted them. Not finding any peace, he gave a large sigh and went back inside the house. He walked down the hall to the newly furnished bedroom. Grace had been working for the last six months trying to get the whole house done the way she wanted it. Professional decorators had been called, and William had been stumbling over them ever since. He had waited until just last month to move in himself. It was just too difficult when only some of the rooms had been completed. But in just one month he would be married and Grace would be moving in with him. Maybe then he wouldn't feel so lonely anymore.

The wedding dawned bright and sunny. Brian had thrown him a bachelor's party the night before. They had the required stag films and one of the guys had brought in a stripper. William was just glad that part was over. Brian's friends made him uncomfortable, because they weren't from his world. Then he started thinking. Who were his friends? He had invited Doug and his family, but Doug was in the Navy and couldn't get leave. His parents had sent back the invitation with their regrets and a present. A group of guys from college had promised to attend and he looked forward to seeing them again.

Then there was his father. He had sent him an invitation but hadn't received an RSVP. Would he be there? There just hadn't been time to go all the way home to personally ask him and every time he called, Mrs. McKenna wouldn't or couldn't give him a definitive answer.

How he longed to have all the festivities over and his new life started. All the planning was getting so tedious. So was the waiting. He got out of bed and went downstairs for his coffee and breakfast. Brian stumbled down the stairs about an hour later.

"How can you get up so early?" He was disheveled and his eyes were bloodshot.

"Because I'm too nervous to sleep."

"All we have to do is show up on time. Don't know what you're nervous about."

"Wait till you get married."

"Never happen. There isn't a girl out there who can meet daddy's and my requirements."

"That's because they're mutually exclusive."

Brian laughed. "That's right. Daddy needs someone upper-crust and rich, I want someone who can have a good time and isn't hung up on money and what it can do for you."

"You'll find someone." William knew Brian was a closet romantic. He was just waiting for the perfect girl. But then he started thinking about himself. He hadn't come from money.

"If those are the requirements for your wife, then why did your father accept me so readily?"

"I think it was a combination of things. The most important was your intelligence. Next came your loyalty. Daddy was very impressed with how close you were to your brother. It was obvious that family meant a great deal to you. I suppose next came the fact that you were so hung up on Grace. Daddy knew you'd take good care of her."

It didn't really answer his question, but maybe there wasn't a real answer.

They made it to the church on time. If anything, Brian was being slow. They waited in an office and soon it was time. William followed Brian out of the room and walked towards the altar. His hands were shaking and they were sweaty, and then he saw how packed the church pews were. 

Stage fright hit, so he turned to his best man. But before he could talk, Brian gave him a big smile and nodded towards the back of the church. Then the organ began playing the Wedding March, which effectively drowned out the string quartet playing the background music. The flower girl started down the aisle. She carried a large basket filled with rose petals, which was much too big for her. The petals were distributed unevenly across the white runway and some made it to the guests themselves. The other girls came next, and suddenly he saw Grace. His heart stopped. He couldn't breathe. Everything else went away. She walked very slowly and never turned her head. Was she looking at him through the lace veil?

His soon to be father-in-law handed her off to him. She slipped her arm around his. With a little shove, she moved him so that he would face the minister instead of her. He had been so wrapped up in her beauty he had forgotten to move. The service was said, or so he assumed. His mind was on her and he had trouble concentrating on anything else. He spoke his lines and she spoke hers. They exchanged rings and then they were pronounced them man and wife. He lifted the veil and gazed deep into her eyes. Then he bent down and kissed her. At first it was light, but passion took over and he deepened it. She met him all the way. The guests started clapping and that brought him back to reality. With a bashful smile, he turned and led her back down the aisle. It was over. She was now Mrs. William Ellison. As they walked down the aisle, he perused the church looking for his father. Just before he gave up, he spied his father and Mrs. McKenna sitting in the balcony. Stubborn man. His antisocial behavior wasn't directed only at strangers, but his own son as well. Well, the hell with him.

****

Chapter Seven-Divorce

(1969)

William accompanied Jimmy to the club for his softball practice. Father and son walked from the parking lot to the diamond. William could feel the stares of all the other fathers around him. He lowered his head, but all the eyes bored into his back. Jimmy was bouncing all over the place, anxious to begin playing. He had on a little mitt, which he really hadn't learned how to use yet, but just having it made him feel like a real ball player. William grasped his shoulder and told him to run along. Without needing to be told twice, the six-year-old ran to the pitcher's mound, where all his teammates were congregating.

William turned around and headed into the clubhouse for a drink. The feeling of being watched was ever present. He was different *again*. Grace had just told him that morning that she was filing for divorce. Then she left the house, probably to go shopping for a new divorce outfit. Need to impress the judge and lawyers, he thought spitefully.

"Whiskey, straight," he told the bartender.

Picking up the glass, he threw the liquid down his throat, feeling it burn all the way down. It was the most feeling he had had all day. After she'd dropped her bombshell and left, he'd gone into his den and just sat at the desk. What had he done wrong? He knew she hadn't been keen on having kids. They hadn't talked about it before they got married, but she made her plans clear afterwards. But family pressure was on, and all her friends were having kids, so she relented and had Jimmy. He was such a bright boy, William thought fondly. After he was born, she decided to hire a nanny. She just couldn't handle the night feedings and still have energy to go to the club and socialize with her friends. They were the ones who told her about how important a nanny was.

Instead of the nanny helping *her*, the nanny took over completely. Grace did nothing for Jimmy, except buy him clothes and the latest toys. The second pregnancy was a mistake, at least on her part. Then Stevie was born. William was secretly glad. Visions of how close he and Daniel had been echoed in his brain. Now Jimmy had Stevie. They would become best friends. But he wouldn't let Jimmy coddle his younger brother like he had Daniel. That had been one of his biggest mistakes. Daniel had never learned to take care of himself. His boys would learn how, he swore to himself.

The only thing that made him happy about the divorce was that Grace was not asking for the kids. She agreed to take them occasionally, but she didn't want them living with her. They always made her upset when they'd come in with dirty hands and smear them on her clothes or on the couch. In fact, all their furniture had plastic covers on them, which were taken off whenever they had guests. Her new apartment wouldn't be for kids; she would come visit them at the house and do so whenever William wasn't around.

"Hey Will, Jimmy boy out there playing ball? Didn't think you'd make it today."

The voice shook him out of his thoughts. "Why wouldn't I come today?" He dreaded the man's answer. Did everyone know that Grace had filed for a divorce?

"Your wife has asked Braithwaight to represent her. You know that he's the best. His connections are only surpassed by his arrogance."

"What did he do, take out an ad?"

"Nope, but he was in this morning, played a round with your father-in-law, and Pickett."

"Pickett!" Oh hell, he thought. Of all the club members, he had the biggest mouth.

Colin patted him on the back. "Not your fault." Then he walked away.

Not his fault? So who's fault was it? Grace's? Nope. They just couldn't make it work. It wasn't like she was into drugs, or even booze. She didn't go to love-ins and didn't associate with hippies.

However she was into the *right* parties and he wasn't. Every night she went to the club or was invited to private social gatherings. He had too much work to do; he just couldn't afford the time. He worked long hours, trying like hell to live up to the image his father-in-law had of him. He also wanted time with his kids, whereas she didn't care what they did, as long as it wasn't around her.

He thought back to their argument that morning. Not that it had really been an argument. She talked, he listened. He bled.

"I want out, Will. I've wasted half my life catering to your lifestyle."

"You haven't catered to anything, but done exactly what you wanted."

"Wanted, *wanted*! Did I go to Switzerland six months ago? Remember Evelyn asking me to go with her and..."

"I remember."

"I didn't go because you said I was needed here."

"You were needed. Jimmy had just started school, and he needed you to be there for him."

"He doesn't need me. He hardly remembers who I am."

And whose fault was that, he thought to himself. "What about Stevie? How can you just go and abandon your sons?"

"You go on business trips all the time."

"For a week at most. You wanted to go skiing for two months."

She just looked at him defiantly.

"So, because I won't let you go on your little trips, you want to divorce me?"

"I want my freedom. I *need* my freedom. I am sick of being the little housewife everyone expects of me."

He gazed at her with tired eyes. "What do you want from me?"

"You can have the kids, the house, and that stupid Mustang you and Brian have been working on. I want money to live on, that's all."

William looked at his wife, soon to be ex-wife. Why hadn't he seen this coming? She'd always been selfish, but he believed it was just immaturity. 

"I'm packing my suitcase and moving into an apartment today."

"What am I supposed to tell the kids?"

She looked at him. "I really don't care."

He saw her go up the stairs to their bedroom. He could hear the closet doors open and drawers being pulled open. The sounds of her humming as she packed hit him and left him gasping for control. He turned around and went into the den. He sat at his desk and waited for her to leave. As the front door closed, his throat constricted and his eyes filled with tears. He picked up the wedding picture from his desk and heaved it at the door. The satisfaction of the glass breaking did nothing to alleviate the pain. Even after all the things she'd said, he still loved her. God help him, he still loved her.

He wiped his eyes and asked the bartender for another whiskey.

"The boys are about done, you might want to head out instead."

Appalled at his forgetfulness, he abruptly got up from the stool, threw a five on the bar and walked out. Again, he could feel everyone staring at him as he left the clubhouse. How was he going to deal with this? He thought of Daniel and being different. He hated it with a passion. Being a private person, he detested the notoriety.

Brian called him later that night. He hadn't told the kids anything, and it was telling that neither even asked where their mother was.

"Hey Will, dad just called and told me the news."

"Hi, Brian."

"Can't say this came out of left field. She's always been the flighty one."

"You two never got along."

"She was too self-centered for my tastes. Daddy's little princess. Where I had to bust my butt to get just a nod from my old man, Grace just had to smile and he gave her everything."

"Why did she go after me so hard?"

"Will, you're a good-looking guy, smart and daddy already liked you. In her eyes you had one added plus; she could manipulate you. Listen, we're going to fly home tomorrow. Shelly's got some time off from the hospital."

"And I haven't seen Rucker the trucker in three months." William chucked into the phone. It was a standing family joke, that Rucker had taken after Brian in the size department. He was almost as big as Jimmy.

"I'm sure he can't wait to see Jimmy and Stevie. He just got some new models that he wants to show off to his cousins. We'll probably pack them and bring them with us."

"I want you to stay at our place for part of the time."

"We'd love that. Our flight arrives tomorrow. I'm going to drop off the wife at mom's and then bring Rucker to your place. We'll see you when you get home from work." 

"Looking forward to it."

"You need a little support. Your old man won't give it, so as your best friend..."

"Thanks," he said from the bottom of his heart.

William hung up the phone feeling just a little bit better. He hadn't stopped to think what the divorce would do to the only true friendship that he had. It made him feel good to know that Brian would stand by him.

The next morning, William told his sons and Sally about Grace leaving. He never mentioned the word divorce; it just wouldn't come out. His explanation was blunt and without feeling. 

"Your mother has decided to live somewhere else. You won't be going with her, but staying with me and Sally." The firm control made his voice sound cold, but he couldn't help it. When he thought about it, he felt like he might cry. He couldn't lose control in front of his sons. 

Jimmy looked quickly at Stevie, then back at his father. "Is she going to stay away forever?"

"You'll see her again. She promises to come home and visit you." He had to be strong for his boys. He couldn't let them know how much this was crucifying him.

Jimmy looked at Stevie again. "No she won't." Then he got up from his chair and ran up the stairs. 

Stevie didn't understand. "Is Jimmy crying?"

William felt his heart break. He walked over to Stevie and picked him up. He buried his face in the baby-soft hair. Slowly he fought for control again, holding his son while taking deep breaths. The boy started to wiggle, wanting to be released. William set him down and the three-year-old ran after his older brother. 

It was so important that he be a good father to these two. He would always have to show an interest in the things they did and said. There was no way he'd repeat what his father had done with him and Daniel. His boys were going to grow up without a mother, just like he had. But this time things would be different, he swore to himself.

When William got out of work, Brian was already at his house making himself at home. The boys were in the toy room and boyish sounds of bombs exploding and airplanes crashing echoed throughout the house. Jimmy, the oldest, could be heard ordering around the other two.

"Here Rucker, you take the boat, and you can be the sailor. Stevie, you take the planes and drop bombs on the city. *I'm* going to be the army coming in to rescue the people."

Brian was sitting on the sofa drinking a Manhattan. The two men shared a look filled with the joy of fatherhood. William joined him on the couch and they sat in silence listening to their sons at play. 

Sally had bought all the ingredients for Brian's favorite meal and the five males had a wonderful dinner. They brought out the game of Candyland and played that for a few hours before the boys had to go to bed. Four-year-old Rucker was going to spend the night. They called it a pajama party. Taking sleeping bags, the boys all camped out in Jimmy's room. After they were settled, the men retired to the den with a bottle of scotch and two glasses.

"So tell me what happened?"

"She wants out. I'm too staid for her party animal friends."

"She was like that in college too, remember? We'd go to the library and study and she would be at her sorority house or at frat parties. You just never paid her any attention."

"But that was in college. Now we're adults and have responsibilities."

"She doesn't know the word. Every little wish has always been catered to. If she wanted a new dress, she'd buy it. If she wanted to go to Aspen, she'd go. Nothing stopped her. She was never taught about responsibility. My poor father, it's all coming back to haunt him now."

"What do you mean?"

"She's been bugging him for money to buy a new car. Then has the audacity to come over and blame him for making her marry you. He's livid."

"He can't take my side, she's his daughter."

"He isn't taking any sides. He treats her the same and will treat you the same. You are as much a part of this family as you ever were. A stupid divorce won't change that. She just won't be joining us as often for those big family dinners."

"That should make her happy," William commented snidely.

Brian laughed. "Although dad told Grace that on Christmas she had better be in town and that even if she wasn't talking to you, all four of you would be together to celebrate the holiday. And like it, too." 

"That's for the boys' sake. Jimmy doesn't believe his mother wants to see him again. He's taking this very hard." 

"Does he blame you?"

"No. I'm not sure what is going on in his mind. He can be quite secretive. Sometimes when I walk into his room he has on this guilty look, but he isn't doing anything wrong that I can tell."

"I can read Rucker like a book. Every emotion is written on his face."

"I can read Stevie better, but he's only three. He hasn't learned to hide anything yet."

"Don't worry, Jimmy'll teach him."

"That's what I'm afraid of."

"Anyway." Brian leaned over and refilled their glasses. "Mom wants us over there all day tomorrow. Grace isn't going to be around and they want to see the kids. She says you haven't been over there in a few weeks."

"Things have been hectic."

"What about you? You haven't told me how *you're* handling Grace's little bombshell."

"Not too well. I went to the club yesterday for Jimmy's baseball practice. It was hell."

"You're a nine days' wonder. It will blow over."

"I can't stand having people stare at me."

"Wait until the women start. They'll be all over you."

A stray memory hit William. "What does it mean to trap and catch?" Daniel had asked that after overhearing some woman talk about their father on the day of their mother's funeral. A feeling of dread hit him. He didn't want to deal with all the barracudas out there. "You'd think that with Grace divorcing me, no other woman would want me."

"Ha! Just you wait. They'll be crawling out of the woodwork."

After the bottle of scotch was gone the two men went to bed.

The next morning, Jimmy stared at him with accusing eyes.

"What is it, son?"

"You got drunk last night with Uncle Brian. I could hear you laughing and talking about mommy."

William had to think back. Yes, he had gotten drunk and he was sure they'd discussed Grace. They had talked about a lot of things. How could he have heard what they were talking about all the way up in his room? A feeling of unease settled over him.

"I am sorry that we disturbed your sleep. I haven't seen Uncle Brian in more than three months. We had a lot to talk over."

"You said mommy didn't love us anymore. Is that true?"

"No Jimmy, mommy still loves you. It's just me." His voice cracked. "She doesn't love *me* anymore." 

"You're lying," he accused and then he turned and walked away.

William ran his hand across his forehead. What was he going to do now? He couldn't let Jimmy think his mother didn't love him. Just because it was true wasn't reason enough. Then he stopped. He had to let it go. He had protected Daniel from every little hurt that came his way and look what had happened to him. Jimmy was going to have to learn to be strong and resilient. Even if it hurt to let him, it was important that he learn.

The only problem was the little voice that kept repeating, how was he able to hear what he and Brian had talked about? He refused to believe that Jimmy had the same curse as Daniel.

Divorce proceedings went slowly, since the lawyers couldn't agree on anything. The biggest bone of contention was the amount of alimony Grace "deserved". He started avoiding the country club. Talk was rampant through their little community. Reluctantly, he still took Jimmy to the softball practices and then to the football practices when fall came. Several times he found himself too busy to go and had Sally drive him over. He tried to arrange his schedule so he could go, but circumstances conspired against him. His father-in-law kept dumping more and more work on his shoulders until he found it impossible to be home before the kids went to bed. When this realization hit him, he knew he had to change. Was he subconsciously asking for more work so he would have a legitimate excuse not to attend the games? Or was his father-in-law giving him more responsibility to show his support? He didn't know, but the result was less time with his kids.

He started leaving work at six and going back after the kids went to bed. Weekends found him in the den writing up reports and presentations. Things began piling up and he felt smothered by everyone's expectations of him. As the months went by, he found it increasingly difficult to even attend the games. He found excuses not to go. True to Brian's predictions, the women started coming out of the woodwork. He would sit in the stands and they would tempt him with everything from home-cooked meals to their bodies. No matter how many times he'd refuse, they would just come back. Avoidance was his only choice.

Even though he didn't attend as many games as he would have liked, his interest was still there, he told himself. Whenever he was home for dinner, he would quiz both boys about the different sports they played. It didn't occur to him that he was mirroring his own father, because he cross-examined the boys relentlessly about each play, each goal they scored, or run they made. He was just afraid to face the other parents and spectators.

Six months after the divorce was finalized, Brian came home for a basketball game. Brian found it increasingly hard to fly home alone, and with the whole family it was even more difficult. So they made a painful decision; they would let the tickets go. William took his kids to their grandparents' and then went with Brian to their last game together.

"You know Will, in another few years, you'll be able to bring Jimmy to the games. He's pretty good at shooting baskets. He'll be a great ball player when he grows up."

"I don't know if I'll have the heart to bring him. It'll remind me too much of us in college."

"That's no excuse. You need to start your own memories with your kids. I plan on taking Rucker to the Bulls games as soon as he turns six. You should be taking Jimmy now."

"You mean you're going to stay in Chicago? I thought the old man was going to bring you back soon."

"He's trying and I'm resisting. I like it in Chicago. He's not there to put the pressure on. I can be my own man."

"I bet he regrets sending you there in the first place."

They laughed. Then the whistle blew, and play on the court started. Conversation was suspended in order to watch the Jags do their stuff.

Summer came and went. The boys were enrolled in the sports programs at the club. Sally took them during the day and William tried to make it when he came home. He went on a few business trips and Grace came to the house to baby-sit the boys. She was always resistant to the notion but gave in when William commanded it. 

When William returned home this time, Jimmy was sullen and uncommunicative. 

"Say good-bye to your mother Jimmy," William commanded as they all stood by the front door.

"Bye," he muttered, his feet fidgeting.

"Bye, mommy," Stevie said with a smile.

Grace nodded and walked out the door with her suitcase. Neither boy received a goodbye kiss. 

As soon as the door closed Jimmy went into the family room to watch TV. Stevie immediately started chattering, following William upstairs as he took off his tie and went to change.

"She took us shopping and bought us a new record. It's the Flinstones telling the story of Bambi. Jimmy and I listened to it over and over in our room.

"Where was mommy?"

"Downstairs with Kent. You know he really likes little kids. He said so. We played in the pool and he caught me as I jumped off the sides."

William let Stevie continue his narrative as the anger built up in him with each passing word. How dare Grace bring one of her lovers to their home while the kids were there. No wonder Jimmy was so upset.

Stevie's fifth birthday came in September and they had a big party for him. Grace was in Europe and couldn't make it. She sent him a poster of the Spider Man and he became Stevie's next favorite 

superhero.

Christmas morning dawned. William packed up the presents from Santa and the cinnamon rolls that Sally had baked for them. The three Ellisons drove over to his in-laws for breakfast and the exchanging of gifts. The boys had their stockings in the back seat, playing with the stuff inside.

Brian, Shelly and Rucker were all ready there. Their flight had arrived the Saturday before. All through breakfast the boys alternated between chewing and begging to be allowed to open their gifts. Finally Grandma Houston gave them the okay and all three boys rushed to the tree. The adults followed more sedately, carrying their coffees. 

Grace arrived wearing a false smile, but lugging a large bag of wrapped presents. Jimmy and Stevie hurried over to her.

"What do ya have mommy?" Stevie asked tugging at her arm.

"Please, give me a chance to sit down."

After settling in a chair, she started handing out the gifts. Even Rucker was remembered. Jimmy was sitting on the floor unwrapping his. He opened the box and gazed with amazement as the contents.

"Wow mom, Johnny Unitas. Look Stevie. Rucker. Number nineteen. Wow, it's even signed." Jimmy slipped the jersey over his head and with shining eyes came over to his mother to give her a huge kiss. "They're going to win the Super Bowl this year too."

William smiled thinking that this would go a long way to making up for many of her short-comings. She had scored big with this present. Jimmy went back to the floor, still a little stunned and very happy. He kept rubbing his hands over the number on the front. Then he looked up and stared at his mother. William watched all the color and animation drain from his face. Grace had taken a napkin to wash the stickiness off her face, thus removing the kiss Jimmy had just given her. The boy quietly took off the jersey, folded it and placed it back in the box. Stevie was oblivious to the undercurrents and went on ripping the paper off his presents as fast as he could. William could feel the pain of rejection and empathized with his son.

Grace sat in her chair delicately sipping her coffee also oblivious to the hurt she had just caused. William saw her glance periodically at her watch. Stevie brought over the present the boys had bought for her. 

"This is just," she paused, "Lovely."

"Let me help you put it on," Stevie insisted, trying to grab the necklace out of her hands.

"Oh, no. I can do it myself."

"See it fits perfectly. Thank you boys."

Jimmy grunted.

She sat back down again, but not five minutes had passed before she got up again and said she had to leave. She thanked everyone again and left. Stevie called out a haphazard goodbye, but Jimmy said nothing.

The morning turned into afternoon and the Ellisons stayed. The boys were having a wonderful time playing together with their new toys. William enjoyed talking with Brian and watching the boys interact. Soon something caught his attention.

Twice Jimmy stopped playing with the toys and just sat there. Stevie would tap him on the shoulder and Jimmy would turn to him, smile and then resume playing. Deja vu, thought William. It just couldn't be. A pit formed in his stomach. What was he going to do? He needed help, but didn't know who to turn to. It was up to him to help Jimmy. But he was only nine...maybe it wasn't what he thought. But what if it was? Panic and fear began to set in. The only thing he could do was to toughen the boy up. Daniel had been weak emotionally and had fallen victim to his senses. Jimmy wasn't weak, but he was very emotional. In the last year he had learned to hide a lot of what he was feeling. His natural exuberance had diminished quite a bit. If Jimmy was strong, in complete control of his emotions, then possibly he wouldn't need the enhanced senses and they would just go away. William would have to work on destroying Jimmy's emotional sensitivity, and then his boy would have a fighting chance to overcome his disability. With that resolved in his mind, he went back to socializing with his in-laws.

****

Chapter Eight-Death

(1973)

William walked into the house longing for a little peace and quiet. His father-in-law had insisted on yet another business trip. They had argued more than a half and hour without the old man letting up on him. In some respects it was nice to be so indispensable, but a royal pain when it conflicted with his kids. It was a man's place to provide for his family, and the little voice inside his head added that it was a valid excuse not to have to deal with the gossipmongers. He dreaded each outing, knowing that people were talking about him. He just knew that they were all whispering that he hadn't been man enough to keep his wife. What hurt the most was that he believed that they were right.

He could hear Jimmy and Stevie playing Batman and Robin. Quickly walking into the den, he felt only a fleeting sense of guilt. His boys would love to have him go into the toy room to say hi, but his pounding head just couldn't cope with their inevitable chatter. That was if Jimmy was even talking to him. Pouring himself a Manhattan, he relaxed on the couch, propping his feet up. The thought that Grace would yell at him for his blue-collar behavior came to mind, which he quickly banished. She wasn't here; he didn't care what she thought anymore. He took a sip of his drink and slowly his body began to relax. This was not a good time to be leaving his boys. Jimmy needed him badly.

It was ironic that he had first heard about enhanced senses from his Uncle Jim. He thought back fondly on that uncle who had come to visit them when he was just Jimmy's age. His Jimmy was named after that favorite uncle. The irony existed because now he had proof that his oldest son had the same curse that had killed Daniel. He'd had hopes that ignoring the behavior and toughening the boy up would dispel its usage, but to no avail. Maybe he was still being too soft on the boys? His lessons must not be getting though. Granted, neither were depending on the other, but those damned enhanced senses were getting used more frequently. Damn, he swore softly to himself. Now Jimmy went and almost confessed it to a cop. 

There was a knock on the door. It opened slowly.

"May I come in?" the housekeeper asked

He nodded.

"They are having calling hours for Carl tonight. Jimmy wants to go and say goodbye to his friend but is afraid to ask."

Bullshit. He wasn't afraid, he was still mad at him for not backing him up with the police investigating Bud's murder. "Yes, Sally. I'll go talk to him."

Still holding his drink, he went into the toy room and interrupted their play. His eyes locked with Jimmy's. His expression was one of accusation and hurt. Flashbacks hit him. There were times when he had looked at his own father in the same way. But this was different. He'd been mad because his father didn't do anything with him. They hadn't talked. They hardly even had dinner together. Dinner was supposed to be with the whole family. His favorite part of the day was sitting down at the table with his boys and discussing things. They would talk sports or school, and he'd question them thoroughly about everything. Neither boys could doubt about his interest in their affairs. The hurt in Jimmy's eyes cut him to the quick. Why couldn't he understand that he had to deny what the boy saw? The cops would never have believed him without a complete explanation about his enhanced eyesight. And that was something he would never allow. His son was not a freak. He had to protect Jimmy from being different.

He dropped his eyes to his drink and took another sip. "I want you to put your suit on after dinner so we can go pay our respects to Bud's family."

"Can I go, too?" Stevie asked excitedly.

"No, you're too young," Jim responded.

"Jimmy's right." No look of victory passed from Jimmy to Stevie, but Stevie looked disappointed.

During the drive over to Chatsworth Funeral Home, Jim refused to talk. William tried to engage him in some kind of conversation, but the boy would just look at him and then turn away. As they pulled into the parking slot, William lost his temper.

"Are you going to pout all night?"

"The murderer is going to go free because of you."

"The police will find out who did it."

"I told them what he looked like, but you won't believe me."

"We already went through this. Your little fantasies could hinder the cops in their search for the guilty person. I don't care what you think you saw, you will not say another word about it!" He had to deny it. Jimmy mustn't get used to using this curse.

Jimmy opened his door, slammed it, and stalked off into the building. With a big sigh, William followed. It will get better, he kept repeating to himself. A few boys were there and Jimmy had gone over to stand with them. William went to the end of the line and waited for his turn to talk to Ida, Bud's wife, and his two kids. As he drew closer, he motioned Jimmy to join him. The boy pointedly ignored him. Stiffening his body, he commanded again. This time he was obeyed. Jimmy knelt down and folded his hands on the casket. Tears fell freely from his eyes. Then he stood up and walked over to Ida.

"I'm so sorry, Mrs. Hadash." Jimmy swiped at his tears, but they still fell.

William took his turn at the open casket. He bent his head over his folded hands and began to talk to Bud silently. "I hope where ever you are, you forgive me. Jimmy told me that he saw your killer, but he saw him with his enhanced eyesight. I can't let anyone know about it. I don't want my boy to be different. I don't want him to get used to using this curse, so that he experiments with it and finds himself lost, like Daniel. I have to protect my son. The police will find your killer without Jimmy's testimony. He doesn't need to be put in the spotlight. He wouldn't want all eyes turned to him, ridiculing him, calling him a freak. I want him to live. I want him to be stronger than Daniel. He deserves a life. If I have to come down heavy, then it will be worth it. I don't know how to do it. Give me some guidance, Bud. You always understood the boys better than 

I did."

Tears fell down his face. Slowly, noise penetrated his concentration. Slightly embarrassed, he stood up and went to talk with Ida. Jimmy was back with his friends. Bud might be dead, but Jimmy was alive and sane. Nothing else mattered. Maybe now he felt betrayed and hurt, but he had to learn that the curse could not be used.

In the next month William began to slowly implement his new strategy. Jimmy was ten and Steve, seven. To make them strong, they had to learn to rely only on themselves. Competition was the only way he could think of to accomplish this. Their inner strength would be formidable. It would be his one aim in life. He didn't want either boy to use the other as a crutch.

He started the competition slowly. If Jimmy's team won a specific baseball game, then he would take just him to the amusement park. If Stevie won his soccer game, then they would go to a movie. When Jimmy got his first 'A' in math, he took him to a Jags game. He was careful to do things with only one boy or the other. The three never went out together as a family. Sally stayed home with the other one. As he saw the rivalry grow between the boys, his pride in them increased. 

They were going to make it. As time went by, William noticed that Jimmy never used his enhanced senses. He didn't hear things he shouldn't or see things he couldn't explain. Armed with this knowledge, he knew that he had made the right decision. Being an only parent was difficult, but he really believed he had mastered the art. If only he could keep his father-in-law from sending him away so much. As the kids got older, he began to take them, one at a time, with him.

About six months after Bud died, William got the news that his own father had had a heart attack. He told his kids that he had to go away on yet another business trip, and he went back home. Spending the night at his old house made him maudlin. He slept in Daniel's bed, aching to have his brother back. Even all these years later, he missed him tremendously. The funeral arrangements were made and he buried his father next to Daniel and their mother. The funeral was a small affair; not many in town remembered William, and his father had been a recluse. When he returned to the house, he tried to figure out what to do with it. Realistically he knew he couldn't keep it, yet it was his only link left to Daniel. 

He boxed up Daniel's possessions. His room was left the same way it had been before he went catatonic and died. He reverently touched every possession as memories assailed him. Pictures that Daniel had drawn were still stuffed into a drawer and William looked at each one, reluctant to throw anything out. The bond between him and Daniel was so hard for him to fathom. He saw it as a weakness, yet its presence was irrefutable. In his mind the bond was what had killed Daniel. 

It had been entirely his fault. Just because he hadn't know any better was no excuse. 

The boxes were stuffed in his trunk and a call was placed to a realtor. He told them to sell it. Anything still in the house could be saved or trashed at the whim of the new buyers. When he drove out of town, he said goodbye forever to his old life and his brother. If nothing else, Daniel had taught him what not to do with Jimmy. He had babied his brother. He wouldn't do that with Jimmy or Stevie.

****

Epilogue

(end of Remembrance)

William looked at the man Jimmy left behind. There hadn't even been time for introductions before his son went chasing after Aaron Foster. He looked at the long-haired young man trying to determine who he was to his son. 

"You okay?"

"I'm fine." He tried to get up, but his legs buckled under him.

"Here, let me help you. I'm Blair Sandburg, Jim's partner."

"Partner?" he questioned as the young man put his hand under his arm and helped him to his feet. "You're a cop?"

The young man, Blair, shook his head. "Not exactly. I'm an observer and I..."

William couldn't help but look in the direction that Jimmy had run. He must have tuned the boy out, because suddenly his arm was shaken.

"You sure you're okay?" The young man scowled at him, then smiled. "Oh, you're worried about Jim."

William turned his attention back towards Blair.

"Well don't. Jim will catch him this time. I mean with his senses on line, he can't miss."

William gulped. Senses? The partner knew about Jim's curse, or gift, as he called it. "He shouldn't be using them. It's too big of a chance.

"Why? Cause of the zone-out factor? No problem, we've got that handled."

Zone-out factor? "How can you handle something like that?"

"By recognizing why it occurs, and counteracting it."

"And you're an expert?" he said derogatorily.

"Yeah, I guess I am. I've been studying sentinels for most of my life. I never in my wildest imaginings believed I'd find one. You can't imagine how lucky I feel. And I know that Jim feels the same. In Peru, his senses all came back. Then when he came home they went away again. Then on this stakeout a few years ago they came back full force and he didn't know how to handle it. I helped him control his senses, and be able to use them or turn them off at will. There *is* a trick and he's getting it."

This Blair was talking so fast that he found it difficult to follow everything he was saying. "Tell me about the zone-out factor."

"When Jim concentrates too much on only one sense, then all the rest become lost. He needs to be linked to someone who can bring him back. That's me." He laughed embarrassed-like and rose on the balls of his feet a couple of times. "I'm like a guide or a partner. All through history sentinels have always had a partner to help them function."

"What happens when he zones and you can't bring him back?" William felt hysteria bleed into his voice. This partner of Jim's was going to get him killed.

"I talk to him and have him concentrate on my voice and he always comes back."

"But what if he doesn't?"

"He's tuned into me, man. He can always hear me."

William was getting frustrated. He could feel the net closing around Jim. To have come so far, yet lose him to this, this selfish observer. "What if he becomes so shocked at something that he loses you?"

"I don't understand."

"You can't guarantee me that you can always bring him back. One of these days he will, how do you say, zone, and you won't be able to bring him back. Then he'll die." He couldn't stem the rising horror of losing someone else to these enhanced senses.

"Nope, that will never happen."

"How can you be so arrogant, so self-confident that you can prevent...that you can control what goes on in Jim's mind. What gives you the right to even try?"

"Mr. Ellison, no one means more to me than Jim. We have this link that surpasses anything you can understand. I *know* I can always reach him. Don't worry, I'll keep him safe."

There wasn't anything else he could say. He had to trust that Jim knew what he was doing. Blair said he was an expert. William could honestly say he was anything but. Maybe this partnership was something that people with enhanced senses needed and he just hadn't been good enough or knowledgeable enough about what that role entailed. He definitely never had the kid's confidence. He had tried to be that guide or partner and had failed. Failed Daniel. If only he hadn't been so self-centered back then. If he had just gone with his intuition and stayed home from college, then maybe Daniel would have made it. But, there had been this tiny part of him that had wanted college, wanted freedom, and his brother paid for that selfishness. He just prayed that Blair wouldn't fail Jim, that Blair was a better partner, or guide than he had been.

He tried taking a few steps and wobbled on his feet.

"Let me help you."

William tried to smile, but was sure it came out as a grimace.

Blair put his arm around his waist and the two of them hobbled towards the clearing. Sirens could be heard, so they knew that everything was under control. Then William heard Jim practically shout, "Where's my father?" He sounded a bit scared and definitely anxious. Jim ran over to them. Blair patted Jim in the arm and then left them alone. His son looked at him and then pulled him into a tight hug. The warmth of his affection ran straight through William.

"I'm glad you're alright. Come on, let's get you cleaned up."

He went with Jim, but his mind was still processing everything Blair had said. That little pat Blair gave his son told a huge story. The bond between the two men was incredibly strong. From the looks that accompanied the small touch, William guessed that they had communicated without words that each was all right. He imagined that he and Daniel would have had such a bond if Daniel had managed to grow into adulthood, and they did have such a connection when they were kids. Should he tell Jim about Daniel? A small part wanted to share it with his son, but a larger part was afraid. If Jim knew that he could die from this, might it become a self-fulfilling prophecy? There was also the knowledge of his inadequacies. How would Jimmy feel if he found out that he'd had an uncle with enhanced senses and that his father had let him die? It would destroy any hope of a future relationship between them. Things were shaky enough without that. Jimmy was talking to him again. He was filled with wonder at the thought.

"It's a gift, dad. It's who I am," echoed in his mind.

That was what he'd said. His enhanced senses were a part of him. He couldn't deny it any longer. Part of raising a son was letting them go and letting them make their own choices. He had raised Jim to be strong and independent. That was what he was. Even though William was scared for him, there was a lot of pride intermixed, too. He looked at the police captain and the other officers. They all respected Jim. They didn't think he was a freak. Maybe by letting go, he might be able to salvage a real relationship with his son. 

****

The End


End file.
